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Death Wish

Bury me
beneath the apple tree
I grew from seed.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
comma or not to comma at end of second line?!!!
Editing stage: 

Comments

that's splendid and thoughtful as well..we all are a progeny of Adam n Eve aren't we?...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Raj, interesting comment, thank you, I hadn't even thought the Adam and Eve thing, guess the apple tree brings them in eh? I love how the reader brings new meaning to a poem :) thanks again, much love Beki xxx

'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)

author comment

Thank you and your grandfather too :) tis my pleasure to share, much love Beki xx

'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)

author comment

this was an excellent Haiku for the uninitiated. The thoughts were separated, yet fused together in meaning. Good work. ~ Gee

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Thank you Gee :) much love Beki xxx

'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)

author comment

After wearing my eyes out reading this epic, I'd have to suggest a period at end of second line lol. Some say more in 3 lines than I can fit into 3 stanzas...........stan

:)) Stan, you make me smile, thank you. A period eh? not a comma? still not sure if it does need something there or not.... lots of love xxx

'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)

author comment

I do love very short poems that say so much.
I want no coffin, just to be buried in the earth and a tree planted on top.
Since there isn't such a tree as a poetry tree I guess any tree will do.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

thanks Jess, perhaps all trees are poetry trees? :) when we're hugging trees I always tell my daughter to listen with her heart and she tells me what the tree says :) sheer poetry. lots of love xxx

'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)

author comment
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