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Cotton Island

So I'm not really sure whether to do this as a poem or a blog post but.... here we are. I've been working on using poetry with different medias in order to increase its accessibility to the general public, and to make it easier to digest for the MTV Jersey Shore generation (sadly, my generation). This latest piece I've been working on will be in an art installation in November. I am trying to make it the best that it can be. I've uploaded it to youtube and there will be a shiny blue link below this paragraph for you to check out. Any input, whether about the music, images, or poem is greatly appreciated!

http://youtu.be/ADcmvIWvYng

Again, thank you for taking the time to watch/ listen to this piece.

I should note before posting the poem from the piece that this is not my typical style. In other words, feel free to rip it apart as it is an amalgamation written in piece meal.

caught between the walls of the storm
exiled from warmth
washed up on a cotton shore

wrapped in a serenades' tumble
shuddering
with petal-swept lips

laid on an unravelling island
grasping for borders
tumbling down
into shimmering crevices

weight of the water
cracks of the plaster

fat drops
descending violently
on the shield back

from beneath,
fhe sound is the breathless cry
of a mountain
a hollow

the rain's curtain
pressing on lovers
drapes across them,
a heavy quilt
enveloping their intentions

sinking deeper
in the marks they've made
pressed like hands in prayer
grasping a secret
their bodies seek to confess

soft, warm breath
whispered in pages
words, a broken story

their sighs
feast on desire
eyes play
on the edge of her forest
follow his ridges
lost in well springs
trip inside the pharaohs lines

tracing rivers on her skin
oh Fertile valley
writhe on a cloth sea
and shudder belladonna
in the push of his breeze

pull him like a matador
with her emeralds
and the brute to cull
throbs in the envelop

thrusting whatever gifts
downward to seed her passion
to tease it up and around
his buried sun and flower
out
in
moans the pollen
of her expectations and he
fills them like a honey bee

to quake her hill hips part
in electric buds

plucked by strong hands

she withdraws a silk curtain
N' he shakes

before pursuing her

falling body before the rise
to catch

her next tide he

dives in head first then dances
her neck with lips

parted and in the space
harmony of movement in
their allegro

measure the crescendo

a pressure
shattering

glass they stained
sprinkling about
their worn-out symphony

a gust of wind
a breeze
will cast the sheets as sails

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Very nice! Why don't you print out the words to the poem and post them? I'm sure many would also like to read the words.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Hello I would like to know your name here if I may say hello also. Your pen name is Ladderwords correct? I like that.
Now onto this utube. Allow me to speak freely. I do not know your style yet either as this is the first I have heard or read of you here. Welcome.

The title Cotton Island - is that to do with cotton sheets? Just trying to piece it all together to review correctly here.

Next is the music and the spoken word. These parts are good as at some portions it does tend to drift back and forth in tone a bit, unless it is just my ears. I actually listened to it twice to try and capture the write.

You say this is for a project. I would maybe incorporate more of the entire poem in the video itself, so your viewer or reader will not only catch those singular subtle words in it but also to include more of the actual words, just as Cat said. Other than that it is pretty good once I figure out if it is cotton sheets or not:) Is the opening line to set the tone of the write?

I will have to make time to read more of your work here as my hour is up on Neopoet for the day and will come back to see what you have to say furthermore. Nice to meet you just the same.

Ms Mona

Hi JA Fisher.

I am a pro-orangutan sex, anti-war, and never understood men's fascination with Q-tips till now.

Btw did I tell you I am a fan, signed sealed and delivered?

Glad you found us though I don't think there's anything neo about your poetry, your brain, or your art. Thank you.

~A

@ Candlewitch/ Cat I'll certainly post the poem here in a new edit. Though, much to my chagrin, when we were recording we missed some stanzas. We got so deep into editing and finding images that we didn't even notice until it was too late! I must call myself a traitor to my own words.

@magics02/ Mona My real name is Josh, but when I write and submit I go by J.A. Fisher. My sister claims it is because of J.K. Rowling, but I was never a Potter fan. The title "Cotton Island" has to do with two lovers trapped inside an apartment, on a bed, during a typhoon. It is based off a true story. My apartment was flooding, all the electronics, books, and life's minutiae had to be picked up off the floor. We were relegated to the only elevated space in my apartment for a good part of 24 hours as a veritable ocean swelled beneath us. As for the audio, you're right. I have had to re-record a few segments and slice them in. Oh how I wish I could afford professional recording equipment! Sadly, due to my lifestyle it is not feasible to carry that much equipment around with me. Thank you for reading and for your insightful observations!

@Kailashana/ A I remember you from the old site! I'm happy we can reconnect over poetry again! Thank you for checking out my early endeavors into this kind of work. That means a lot to me. I'm going to jump on over now and see if you've posted anything new.

Cheers!

.

J.A. Fisher

author comment

And now that I know the story behind it I shall visit it again in a different light. So glad you both survived that typhoon and yes by all means a need to write for sure.

Be back tomorrow
Good nite

Ms Mona

My favorite lines are:

pressing on lovers
drapes across them,
a heavy quilt
enveloping their intentions

sinking deeper
in the marks they've made
pressed like hands in prayer
grasping a secret
their bodies seek to confess

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

This was a wonderful read, I really got lost in the imagery. Due to a slow connection speed today, I haven't watched the video; although I'm sure these words would be well enforced by the medium. Good luck with the installation!

Note: stanza 6, line 2; fhe should be the :) just a little crit here with this part:
falling body before the rise
to catch

her next tide he

dives in head first then dances
her neck with lips
-------
maybe consider:
falling body before the rise
to catch

her next tide

he dives in head first
then
dances
her neck with lips
------
use it don't use it;)

cheers for an enticing piece
Jim

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

for taking time out of your busy day to look at the work. I'm definitely making that change Jim! Thanks for looking out!

.

J.A. Fisher

author comment

There were so many vivid and exciting images, and like the generation I think you speak of so many elements thrown together, a bit like going round an exhibition with hundreds of captivating works of art, at full speed, one's mind boggles.

Some images remain, some words remain, but one has to dedicate oneself to studying poem and images for a long time to truly capture the essences of each moment. And then each moment is stunning, so many ideas, such good ones, and yet the whole might be more potent with less, I don't know I am an old fogey so I shouldn't be able to say much about it!!! I didn't hear the music, I don't know why my computer didn't play it, must try another time on my more modern computer.

There you are oh ladder of words, with so many rungs to it I am in a magical quandary of existence, and love it. Ann in the woods.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

If I were to suggest it might be a bit long for the nominated demographic I might also have to remind myself of the lines from "Amadeus"-
Emperor Joseph II: My dear young man, don't take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect.
Mozart: Which few did you have in mind, Majesty?

Is that a final cut of the video? Some of the edits feel a bit random and jarring. I've made several rock and poem videos and a good rule of thumb is cut half a beat after word, caesura, line end or verse end, this helps carry the symbiosis of imagery and word

Very much like the imagery both in poem and video and the use of key words in the video is very effective.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Ah thanks for the wonderful bits of advice. This is not the final cut, but close. I wanted to put it up here to get some feedback from an audience I respect and cherish. I've had one hell of a weekend/ early week, so to come back and read these comments is empowering! Thank you thank you thank you!

.

J.A. Fisher

author comment
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