Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
corvus delicti
the crow fills the air with dark-winged presence
a black iron fence stands guard
doors and windows open,
life passes through.
we are strangers here
with moments of glory
on battlefields of hope
who can speak of victory
and the injury of loss?
but if the sun rises
turns leaves to gold
on a mid-summer's day,
all there is
will take a bow
and the stage will be lit
from the inside out.
.
Last few words:
Thanks CC, of course, I had to put my own spin on it... ;-)
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2011-07-10 10:40
hi
I ain't gonna analyse this, just give kudos and read it a few more times.............stan
Janice Pearce
Sun, 2011-07-10 11:40
Crow
I loved this one! I didn't care for the very last line, so maybe I do not understand the poem. Great job, thanks for posting
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2011-07-11 00:14
Anna
as usual a great poem. i agree with Janice i don't quiet get the last line either.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-07-11 00:22
I think i got,
I think i got this one, but will hold my tongue and come back. Enough to say at the moment, it's another great poem. Love Roscoe
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
CCfire
Mon, 2011-07-11 02:07
My thought is only this, if
My thought is only this, if you are going to call it Crow then perhaps it doesn't need 'crow' in the first line as we would reference a metaphor back to the title?
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Leonard
Mon, 2011-07-11 04:49
A highly symbolic poem
Anna - I agree with Yenti and CC, since the title is "crow", it would be better if the first line is without the word "crow". A suggestion would be:
A dark winged presence -
Otherwise I like the way the poem flows - beginning with darkness and ending with light. Optimism perhaps?
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
Leonard
Mon, 2011-07-11 04:50
A highly symbolic poem
Anna - I agree with Yenti and CC, since the title is "crow", it would be better if the first line is without the word "crow". A suggestion would be:
A dark winged presence -
Otherwise I like the way the poem flows - beginning with darkness and ending with light. Optimism perhaps?
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
Leonard
Mon, 2011-07-11 05:02
Love the symbolism
Anna - I agree with Yenti and CC, since the title is "crow", it would be better if the first line is without the word "crow". A suggestion would be:
A dark winged presence -
Otherwise I like the way the poem flows - beginning with darkness and ending with light. Optimism perhaps?
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
Kailashana2
Mon, 2011-07-11 06:05
(((((LEONARD))))!!!!
(((((LEONARD))))!!!!
Good lord, kids, don't you ever read anyone's poetry? Where do you get your ideas as to rules, what should or shouldn't be in the first line? Every read Ted Hughes--there's 10 crow poems here.
http://www.thebeckoning.com/poetry/hughes/hughes.html Not that I ever read much poetry except for the Poetry course I took and the Prophet, before my cosmic consciousness experience... And then every style and form came through in a watershed of poetry and has been coming through ever since. All I had to do was go on line search crow and find these poems by Ted Hughes to prove my point.
There are no *rules* in poetry. It has to come from one's inner light....which, btw, is the key to my last line.
~A
author commentCCfire
Mon, 2011-07-11 06:08
I don't think any one of us
I don't think any one of us said it was a rule, I just felt it wasn't necessary and why would I want to be like anyone else? lol
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
CCfire
Mon, 2011-07-11 06:21
Oops..dittoed :P
Oops..dittoed :P
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Kailashana2
Mon, 2011-07-11 06:17
Well I am also a Logical
Well I am also a Logical Virgo. What else could I call a poem about the harbinger of *change*?
And I didn't post Ted's poems to be similar or the same, only to prove my point, after the fact, after I had written it. It seems like most folks around here want rules to be followed. lol.
~A
author commentCCfire
Mon, 2011-07-11 06:25
Seems I have repeated myself
Seems I have repeated myself with no way of repairing it..so I might just hang around someone's roof and see what turns up :P How about the latin for Crow...Corvus? Corvidae being the family genus of them..if my old latin serves me correctly but don't quote me lol
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Kailashana2
Mon, 2011-07-11 06:56
Now that's an idea! Mercy
Now that's an idea! Mercy bow cup and a hug.
~A
author commentCCfire
Mon, 2011-07-11 07:10
Cheezy Chez grin
Sometimes I'm smart all week lol xx
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Geezer
Mon, 2011-07-11 10:46
Nothing...
to add, just praise for the poem. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.