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The Corner Shop

I have this recurring dream in which I am pursued and devoured by a giant ball point pen, which shouts triumphantly ; " I AM BIC - PEN : TAM EATER! !

The Corner Shop
On down the stairs to reach the old front door
I clutch the list that gives me power to buy
The groceries and hardware but no more
Than items she denotes, I dare not try.
On down the stairs to reach the old front door
I clutch the list that gives me power to buy
The groceries and hardware but no more
Than items she denotes, I dare not try.

Down the stairs I stagger, out the door
Clutching tight the power to buy, the list!
Groceries and hardware are ignored,
If not on my shop items, don't exist.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

As long as you pronounce power as one syllable, which a lot of regional accents do.

Now copy and paste it in the same poem using the Edit function and convert the second one to Trochaic.

And any more puns and you'll disembowelled by wild terror dactyls

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I fell foul of an elfling from Oz,
Got told to stop punning becos,
My attempt at cool rap
Was a whole load of crap
Jess was right, as he usually was

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

wily Scotsman
limericks will do it every time

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

No one leaves the room! Who put something in my coffee?
On second reading I realise you've fallen into the trap of stressing all your line ends. And the last line is, forgive me, all over the shop.

Down the/ stairs I/ stagger/, out the/ door [doorway]
Clutching/ tight the/ power/ to buy,/ the list!
[or-  power to buy, the list!]
Grocer/ies and/ hardware/ are ig/nored,
If not/ on my shop/ items,/ don't ex/ist.

 

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

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