Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Coin For My Pocket.

A coin for my pocket sir
for something to eat?
with no mum and dad
we beg on the street.
Not eaten for two days
my little sister and me.
A coin for my pocket sir
for a warm cup of tea?

A coin for my pocket miss
to get shoes for our feet?
We haven’t got a penny
or anywhere to sleep.
Our feet are really sore
without shoes they bleed.
A coin for my pocket miss
for something we need?

Here is the money mum
from begging on the street.
Got a lot of coins today
from fooling who we meet.
They give us their money
in the old marketplace.
Taking pity on my sister
with her grubby little face.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

This poem demonstrates an interesting concept. Very well written.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thank you Cat and thanks for dropping by,
take care,
Tim

author comment

Very Dickens-esque, if I may butcher a concept, lol.
Third stanza is the best, it flows very well, the rhyming is good, and the impact is wonderful, following the tug of heartstrings manipulated in the first two stanzas.
Good stuff.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thank you Jim for your thoughtful and encouraging comments.
I've had some mixed reaction to the content on this one so it's nice to get some reassurance.
Take care,
Tim

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.