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Canary In The Mine

The lies are dressed
In little pinks tutus.

The scorn is ready
For the masquerade.

The canary in the mine
Turns out to be
A hummingbird.

The butterfly in my tummy,
A bee.

The laugh really is
A stiffled moan;
The tear is shed for sorrow.
The sun is gone because the night
Will breed a bleaker tomorrow

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
True story, hidden in verse.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I really like your title.Your language useage is phenominal! Fine structure. I enjoyed your poem very much, even though iit saddened me. It made me feel something, like all great poetry should. My favorite lines were hard to choose, but I really liked:

The laugh really is
A stiffled moan;
The tear is shed for sorrow.
The sun is gone because the night
Will breed a bleaker tomorrow

Always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

The feelings in this poem are very real. I am going through a tough time fighting some depression. Most of the words just came to me and they felt right for the poem, so the internal logic may not be all that consistent. That said, I'm really grateful you enjoyed this poem.

It really does make me feel much better. Thank you!

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

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