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Breath of Memory

As tense as nearing end becomes,
life still sometimes breathes
a drift of dreams
upon my wondering soul,
my innocence long overcome
through focused lens of living,

yet rife with memories
still as sweet
as a girl's first doubtful kiss,
her touch in warming firelight,
drinking of her body with my own,
her heated breath upon my skin
still haunting
decades after death,

when aging night welcomes
sleeplessness, and sadness
is spread thin enough by time
to reveal a distant vivid love
through shadows of memory
once long lost
to old familiar scythe.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hauntingly beautiful:

when aging night welcomes
sleeplessness, and sadness
is spread thin enough by time
to reveal a distant vivid love
through shadows of memory
once long lost
to old familiar scythe.

that old familiar scythe is unconcerned as to what wheat stalk it cuts. I enjoyed this poem, very much.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thanks Cat.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

You got it.
Lately I've been thinking about her, and that usually means she's stopped by for a look-see at what I'm doing. I get these intense recollections of what we shared, and thus, this poem.
And in turn, I find myself spending more time with my wife, and children. Don't know where that comes from, but its true. its probably her, approving!
Thanks hun, glad you like it so much.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

...a lot of websites and I have to say (despite the fact I don't care for it much) that Neo demonstrates some of the best free verse. I'm with Rosi, I'm not sure I followed this exactly, but I still loved the language. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

All you have to do is listen to Rosi, lol, she's getting pretty good at figuring out what I'm saying in a poem!
I honestly don't have much to do with other poetry sites - I've tried a couple, and they're just set up to stroke people's egos and make lots of money from their vanity.
As for free verse, I have a much better appreciation of rhyme after Jess' workshop, but I find that I cannot achieve the kind of emotions and evocative imagery with rhyme the way I do with free verse. Probably because I'm still relatively inexperienced when it comes to rhyme.
Glad you enjoyed this Wesley, thanks.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

evocative and frissonative (is that a word? It is now)

My only crit, it's a pity you didn't do my meter workshop, I think this poem deserves to be more gestaltive (add that to the dictionary too, teehee)

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Busily adding to my volcabulary.
Yes, I could probably use a brush-up on meter!
Thanks Jess.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Like any art form, I believe poetry is fifty percent training. When I first decided to write my "big" poem I knew little about the structure of classical poetry. So, like I tend to do with everything, I started writing poetry in forms designed to "teach" me how to think like that. I still try to work a different form from time to time, but a little while back when I tried write a poem using an assonance rhyme structure (something that Jess has now taught me was wrong), I had a hell of a time NOT thinking in rhyme. Twenty thousand lines of rhyming couplets in Caco, Man of the Morning Star has taught me how to rhyme to the point that I can't flee from it. If I had written the little poem in rhyming couplets it would have taken me five minutes. As it was, changing to a very different rhyme scheme, it took me two hours.
Training.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Poetry is largely training, and what kind of poetry you write smoothest and easiest is largely due to what form you've spent the most time with, I agree.
I have this said before: one can have a string of english degrees an arm long, a library full of entire volume-series of poetry, know everythingn there is to know about poets, meter, rhyme, structure, imagery, emotion, metaphor, ad infinitum...but to be a good poet one has to write poetry. Its the only way. Write it constantly, write it every day, because until this happens, one simply will not have the skill to write anything even approaching competent, let alone good.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

...but one of the ways I look at it is this. My friends will comment on the fact that I use a thesaurus, a rhyming dictionary and a dictionary when writing my poems. They say I am cheating. I tell them to take the three books and write a poem then tell me if I'm cheating. I always win. Poets are born, but training makes them extraordinary. And as you said...one must write and write and write. Good talking to you. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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