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Anger Loosed (eddy styx)

Anger Loosed

open a vein
miss the artery
too much anger
for precise accuracy
too much rage
to be confined
to a single page
hatred in red
overpowers the sight
enrages the decision
clouds the vision
purple frustration
inflames the soul
hands around your neck
taking control
I find you in contempt
your crime is your arrogance
spilling acrimony
into my sea of calming latitudes

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I presented this poem to "Dark Side chat night" It was reviewed there and Jess and Geezer gave me some feedback. I didn't have time to write it down as something urgent came up. Could you please, (Jess and Geezer) give me an example of what you meant here? thank you for your help. always, Cat p.s. due to Kelsey's critique I have resolved my issues with this piece (peace)
Editing stage: 

Comments

I recently started to write poetry with just three words per line.
I read your poem and found it interesting that you started out that way. I found the cadence good until I came to the last few lines. I did not feel the build-up of the anger, so as to get to its explosive finality.
After such a powerful begining these lines seem to let the person off the hook with a warning. The power of the anger seems to subside. The last lines seem like an attorney speaking in court.

"I find you in contempt
your crimes are your arrogance
delivering acrimony
to my sea of calming latitudes"

Let me say that I enjoyed the ride on the fireball of anger. but i would have liked a stronger more absolute ending. That"s just my opinion, I did like it's meter in most of it

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

For reading and for your honest opinion. I greatly appreciate it! I will work on the ending as I agree with your assessment. Thanks again.

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

I like the words here Cat. I find it flows nicely. the last six lines made me read it again and enjoy it even more. I could imagine using that in one of my more death-metal songs. Although, as much as my mind appreciates that last word, 'latitudes', I doubt I could convince myself not to rhyme:) well done

ps the title leaves a feeling of openness, I think it fits nicely

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

I really like your screen name! Thank you for reading and for your indepth input. I very much appreciate it.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

I seem to remember it having a list-like quality, which is an easy trap with short line poems, but not so much now, have you revised it since then?

hatered in red [hatred?]

I like it.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

thanks for the tip on the typo! No, I haven't changed it. I guess this is an example of things looking different on a second reading. I'm still not real pleased with my ending lines. Thanks for giving this a second look!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Due to your indepth review and understanding of the piece, I have resolved the issues. I really appreciate how you broke it all down for me :) I cannot thank you enough... you are a mighty fine reviewer!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

I very much appreciate how supportive you are!

always, eddy styx/Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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