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Aggravated Assault...

Those brooding eyes and tensed brow had mystery
Questions need answers, and She was curious
With a slow dance of seduction, she bound him,
made him a prisoner

He smiled and endured for a score of years
She never figured out, what his mystery was
Losing interest long ago
Left alone in his cell of despair, he plotted...

Coils of cold, slithered in to wrap around his soul
There were lies in the mirror; he heard them whispering
Eyes followed him wherever he went, and he knew...
The world conspired against him

Released by her boredom, he made plans
Performing Arcane spells and rites
Smoke appeared with each wave of his hands
Sparks flew into the night

Careful digging with a spade
Sacrifice and votives burned
Evil visited and promises made
One lover's heart's not been spurned

Demons, ghosts, from life gone by
Don't run or they will chase you
The blindfold taken from my eyes
Now I see you true

See the pain of my misery, dear
It is over now, it's true
Now you should begin to fear
For what I will do to you

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I didn't know how to type this one, it has elements of two different styles. So I decided that I would just pick one and go with it. LOL ~ Geezer
Editing stage: 

Comments

This poem is just too delicious! I cannot pick favorite lines as they all are wonderfully menacing. Good title and the lines just flow one to the next. Good smooth rhyming pattern, too!

always love your dark side, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I liked how it came out, but wasn't sure how it was going set with the reader. I'm glad that my two most faithful critics liked it so much. As it started out, it was meant to be freeform all the way through, but as it progressed, it just seemed naturally to evolve into the rhyming mode. Thanks again, ~ Gee

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author comment

There were lies in the mirror; he heard them whispering
Eyes followed him wherever he went, and he knew...
The world conspired against him

is a poem alone. Seems you may have picked something up from the last workshop? Actually, like Cat said, it's all good. I wonder if you noticed yourself, or planned, that it tightened up structurally as it progressed, becoming more ritual in nature, like a spell? Fuckin' creepy man!

Great job.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

that it was so well recieved. I did not plan it the way that it came about, but as it progressed, it just seemed to be the way to go. I noticed that it was evolving, or maybe devolving to rhyme, and at first made an effort to get it back to the freeform that it started out to be, but it didn't seem right. It was a lot better with the rhyming than without it. I wasn't sure if it would be the same for the reader, but in the end, decided to go with my instinct. I guess that maybe I did get something that stuck with me on an un-conscious level. It was as creepy as I wanted, and that was planned! Thanks, ~ Gee

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author comment

I came to read again... Really liked these lines:

Careful digging with a spade
Sacrifice and votives burned
Evil visited and promises made
One lover's heart's not been spurned

always, eddy

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

that you and the others think that this is good enough to read twice. I figured that those lines would be your favorites. You always pick the lines that have to do with witchcraft! I'm glad that I made them intriquing for you. ~ Gee

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author comment

a delicious read

loved

on a second read
superb really

.......................See the pain of my misery, dear
It is over now, it's true
Now you should begin to fear
For what I will do to you

loved

Loved. I have tried to invoke a modern sense of the poet that has influenced me the most in my macabre
way of writing. Poe! I love the old Machivillian stories that he wrote. ~ Gee

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author comment

Got to agree with all the above and then some, great poem. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

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