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SEXY BEACH SIGHTS
Ah! A hot day on the beach
and all the sights that we might see.
With a cold drink within easy reach
( a soda, beer, or sweet iced tea)
Man, aren't those some kind of breasts!
Not the ones in halter top
but the saggy ones on hairy chest.
When he runs, see how they flop.
And that area 'neath the belly button
which all teenagers dream about
his hangs there like a leg of mutton
or lower lip of a full pout.
Then there is the camel toe
seen clearly through that tight speedo
located just slightly below.
His camel stepped on a frog, you know.
A nice shapely dierriere
but not some hairy plumber's butt
like that one leaning over there
with crack as deep as dirt road rut
Everybody likes a smooth tanned leg
not pale, skinny with knobby knees.
Cover his with pants, I beg
or at least beach towel please!
Looking at the hairy uncouth men
compared with all the ladies' grace
leaves me to wonder once again
how we reproduce the human race.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2011-07-07 00:10
Scrib
funny poem. i like the flow . story line was easy to follow and held my attention from beginning to end.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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scribbler
Thu, 2011-07-07 07:03
Hey Barb
Glad you enjoyed it and came to visit............stan
author commentloved
Thu, 2011-07-07 00:53
How descriptive of nude or seminude beaches
How descriptive of nude or seminude beaches
But Stan you forgot to mention
Belly buttons
And
All tattoos from top to toe,
Were they wearing minis?
One doesn't know
And
On our beaches we are not allowed,
To drink even beer,
But some folks do stink
As they come near,
Heaven knows whether they were drunk,
When their beach towel did flunk...
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2011-07-07 07:05
Hi loved
Tatoos.......Hmmmm..........good idea, might just have to add a stanza about them in edit. Thanks for visit and idea......stan
author commentloved
Thu, 2011-07-07 10:55
ceeeeeeeeeeeeeee
u help me C R I T Q U E
loved
Geezer
Thu, 2011-07-07 01:17
A funny...
poem, about being on the beach. Yes, I do notice those sights, but I would rather concentrate on the prettier aspects of the human state. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Thu, 2011-07-07 07:07
Het geeze
We old farts only think about what men get to see on the beach.Thought it only fair to describe what the ladies get to see there lol..........stan
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-07-08 04:31
Well crafted fun
Would like to see a little depth. What social forces contribute to near nudity in beautiful men and women, and its affect on their psyches. Just what are the ugly exposer thinking? The whole beach scene is a microcosm and you could say so much more here.
So you don't want to? Or can't?
It remains a light piece of verse and you could bring so much more to it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Fri, 2011-07-08 08:22
hey elf
Now you know that delving into the issues you just mentioned would not be in keeping with the light hearted theme of this poem lol. I'll leave those issues for a later write(s) lol. Thanks for the visit and ideas though............stan PS Would you also like to see Gettysberg address delived with a saturday night live type delivery? lmao........you know that would be easier to do than the reverse lol
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-07-08 23:43
ok
your choice
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sat, 2011-07-09 06:51
hi
thanks for input though..............stan
author commentKailashana2
Sat, 2011-07-09 06:20
IMO, this is the best type of
IMO, this is the best type of poems...light-hearted and fun for rhymes. Compact.
The other stuff, perhaps you can rewrite using free form where the words aren't constrained into
a precise form. It's like putting a size 16 woman in a size 2 dress or bikini. ;-)
~A
scribbler
Sat, 2011-07-09 06:54
hi Anna
I try every so often just to have some fun with no intent other than to get folks to smile. glad you enjoyed.................stan BTW I guess it might be about time for me to struggle through another free verse
author comment