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here on earth
the night is a blueberry poem
written by the waning light
if i could have had a bluer day,
imagination would be freer
than it is and wild horses
of chestnut and black beauty
would have ridden me into the meadows
of sunset
i would have drawn the shades of darkness
and let the vision of You sleep where poems
do not go hunting
and do not hunger,
for Thine is the kingdom
here on earth.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I wrote this poem yesterday as a response to Dick's poem:
Kiss Time Goodbye
Picking
blueberries
like fingering
prayer
beads
kiss time goodbye
while filling your bucket
thank you
berry
thank you
thankyou
thankyou
thankyou thankyou
thankyou thankyou thankyou
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou
thankyouthankyouthankyou
thankyouthankyou
thankyouberry
thank
you
~
Dick Holmes
Editing stage:
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Comments
vexations10
Wed, 2011-06-29 11:04
Wow
That last verse is rockin powerful. Not read Dick’s poem except for what you have here.
vexations
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2011-06-29 12:35
Anna
I read this four times and it is just beautiful
only thing is "thine is the kingdom" at the end.
i'm not sure how it fit even though it is in the title.
i guess because it is a line from the bible and my mind goes heavenly rather than here on earth when i read it
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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raj
Wed, 2011-06-29 15:12
Anna
reading through this poem gave me an experience of watching a gentle water stream gathering speed and winding and vanishing into the meadows as if destined for a rendezvous...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Wed, 2011-06-29 18:21
where poems...
do not go hunting and do not hunger.. I love that line! Is it a rail against dark poems? I just wondered where did you come up with that line? This poem is a little obscure for me, and I had to read it a couple of times, along with the comments, before I could make the most of it, but I like the basic premise, and would like to see you edit this one. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Kailashana2
Wed, 2011-06-29 18:30
Edit this one? You want the
Edit this one? You want the muse to stop talkin' to me? Besides, it's not so difficult to comprehend when you think about what it would take to make heaven on earth. Then work backwards on the poem. ;-)
Thank you Barbara, Raj and Vex, it's all good...
~A
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