Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.


A midday break from hauling hay
in summer heat that's here to stay
on this longest day of a hot year.
I wish a cloud would come this way.

An overheated crow flies by
through this oven of a sky.
He emits one desultory caw
which sounds barely worth the try.

In midst of field, a whirlwind blows.
The straw filled whirling dervish grows
lifting loose grass out of sight.
Another one of lunch-time's shows.

It being the seventh year
dry flies resound loud and clear.
All other bugs are muted now
so quiet you can barely hear.

Beneath this tree the only sound
is random pats as sweat hits ground
until there comes a gentle breeze
rustling all the leaves around.

I wring my hat of salty sweat,
the noon break is not ended yet,
so I pour cool water on myself
until I've become soaking wet.

In this sultry summer weather
a fluffy few clouds now form and gather
dividing the ground to sun and shade
and giving relief to skin as dark as leather.

But the field is not yet bare;
too many bales still sit out there.
So time has come to move some hay
and stack it in the loft with care.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


I'm sending heat your way now. With postal system being as it is, it should get there in about4-5 months lol.I'll check those forced rhymes...............stan

author comment

Unsure how I missed your comment but thank you. I did some fairly extensive editing

author comment

This poem is like looking live at the hay field noon from a vantage point...of course rhyme and their various forms are forte...what form is this?


raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for the visit. This is actually western classic but the rhyme pattern is AABA whereas the more common pattern is likely AABB or ABAB.

author comment

Thanks for the clarification Stan


raj (sublime_ocean)

A change in rhyme patterns is often used to "disguise" rhyme in a poem. The old masters are much better at it than I am.........reckons that's why they're masters and I'm just a scribbler lol

author comment

For some reason I'm still surprised when minor edits which bring an oldie back on stream also brings more commentary lol. I am very pleased you enjoyed this .......stan

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.