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Monarch Butterfly
Wrap me
in wings of springs
butterfly.
cradle me in
loves simulations
Fly me
across meadows
of scented flowers
pollinating gathering
my hearts motivations
Feed me
with endless passion
preparing
the silk cocoon
of my
Transformation
Carry me
on winds of migration
across the
fields
of life's sensations
Re-born am I
with wings
to celebrate
the spring of my
loves exhilarations
Show me
the truth seen
in your eyes
through rainbows
of revelations
Give me
the wings of freedom
so I may embrace love
in the flowerbeds
of emancipation
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem
Favorite Poets
P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-06-14 02:39
Ian
Yes, I do see it, but I thought that someone who does not know that like birds the Monarch migrats,
Maybe I should just believe that people know this about this butterfly. just as my Jonette knows.
will make the change my friend.
thank you
Eddie
PS. so what did you think of the write itself did I make my point, and did it all make sense of the feelings I have for her as my beautiful butterfly.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-06-14 03:34
Ian
thank you for the excellent. and yes I know that these beautiful pictures are of your garden. thank you for sharing.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-06-14 03:52
Kal
What's the problem, I never said for you not to comment on my page. I truly find it interesting the way you persive my writes.
I see it only as help, so please don't take it personal. I am at heart a kid from the streets of Spanish Harlem, and I do not have the education you do. so all that you impart is a lesson in writing to me. So always feel free to voice your opinion as I will mine. In the end nothing but good can come of this for me. Maybe like Jess who in the beginning would get anger with me. Because he could not understand why I wrote like this. I was much worst when I first came here three years ago. so in reality I have improved, with your help I will improve yet farther.
Please always keep in mind this is a workshop, but like Jess, when you don't like what you see, you puntly express your opinion. I may become upset by your cantor, but the truth is the truth, and that I always accept.
Maybe after a while Hahaha!
Thanks Kal
Eddie
PS. please I ask that you continue to be yourself, and voice what you see. that is why I'm here.
...
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentRoscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-06-14 05:03
Eddie,
Eddie, If only we could see life through another creatures eyes, as you have asked for in your poem. Maybe it could be the saving of our world, not only for humans but all of natures beauty. This is a very special poem about a person understading that there is more to life than human life. Great poem. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-06-14 08:38
Roscoe
Thank you for your generous comment.I don't remember seeing you on my page?
Let me say, welcome I am happy you stopped by to read and leave a comment.
Regards,
Eddie
"The Tao of life is to live every moment."
...
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentTheUnknownAuthor
Tue, 2011-06-14 09:47
Good afternoon!
Or evening. Or morning.
But hello, regardless.
So, thou have asked. And thou shall receive.
"in wings of springs
butterfly." Somehow the plural form fits better here to me. So, "butterflies." And spring's?
"pollinating gathering" I don't understand this line. Must it perhaps be, "pollination gathering"?
And, lastly, "Re-born am I," seems just a tad too long. But, on the other hand, the break works for me between these phases of the poem. So, either what you have done, with that intention. Or just, "Re-born," if you wish for an even flow through the poem.
It's a good write though, Eddie. And I'm sure your girl will love it:)
Yours
Waldo
P.s. I hope you're keeping well, dude!
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-06-14 20:38
Hey bud!
Nice to see you on my page.
The uses of butterfly refers to only one, the one I am in love with. That is what I call my lady Jonette, (little butterfly)
Pollinating gathering is an intimacy term of physical contact. Pollinating her flower, let me not go any farther I think you understand now.
Re-born was how I first wrote it , but as I read it aloud the break was short an lost the impact of the line it self.
All in all I appreciate your visit dude. Still I'm not sure if I'm conveying the feeling she imparts to me. It still needs work or maybe not. I'll see the suggestions of the other poets before I make any changes
Regards my friend,
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentTheUnknownAuthor
Wed, 2011-06-15 02:07
Ahh!
It all becomes clear now! Hehehe!
And, unfortunately, you're talking to a man who believes that words are quite obsolete things. So I'd say, write it as well as you possibly can, but then SHOW her how you feel:)
...Shouldn't be too difficult, regardless. With you vast knowledge of... pollinating;)
Yours
Waldo
Eduardo Cruz
Wed, 2011-06-15 02:18
LMFAO!!
LMFAO!!
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentKailashana2
Tue, 2011-06-14 09:57
Hi Eddie, I have written a
Hi Eddie, I have written a number of poems about Monarch butterflies, I sometimes think my mom returns in moments when they appear. One literally chased my son (5 years old at the time) around a few days after her death, so it is very precious to me.
If I may:
Submitted by Eduardo Cruz on Tue, 2011-06-14 00:50
Wrap me
in wings of spring
come butterfly.
cradle me in
love's simulations
Fly me
across meadows
of scented flowers
pollinating and gathering
my heart's motivations
Feed me
with endless passion
preparing
the silk cocoon
of my
transformation
Carry me
on winds of migration
across the
fields
of life's sensations
Re-born am I
with wings
to celebrate
the spring of my
love's exhilarations
Show me
the truth seen
in your eyes
through rainbows
of revelations
Give me
the wings of freedom
so I may find love
in the flowerbeds
of emancipation
(I think *embrace* would work better than *find*), Eddie..
I love this poem, and so does your lady-love, my dear.
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-06-14 20:46
Anna
It's funny, because every time we see a monarch, Jonette say it's her mother who has come to say hello.
I like the opening of your re-write i think i might use it with your permission maybe moving around the words and yes embrace is a better word.
Thanks Anna real good input from you.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2011-06-14 12:16
Dear Eddie,
I think this is absolutely lovely just as it is! I know your Lady will love it!
Give me
the wings of freedom
so I may find love
in the flowerbeds
of emancipation
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-06-14 21:00
Hey Cat
Thank you!
I'm debating if I will make changes. I like Anna's idea is good, but I have to read it aloud. I always read the poems to Jonette before I send them. So I'll see how it sounds before I give it to her.
It's a little funny to me, because I usually give them to her first then post. I feel like the intimacy is gone by doing it this way. It's as if Neopoet is part of our love. Strange isn't it.
Cat it's always a pleasure to hear from you sweetie
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
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