Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
unconditional
sun and stars shine
the earth moves
away
and light of day is never seen
when night falls;
the lotus blossom
never opens too early
or too late
there is justice in the world
of nature, its birth cry
a howling when once
four-legged creatures
stood on a hill
and the moon
reflected
the ocean,
dripping from
hands with
opposing thumbs.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Kailashana2
Sat, 2011-06-04 07:33
hahaha. I already changed it
hahaha. I already changed it, forgot *a* hill.
;-)
author commentBarbara Writes
Sun, 2011-06-05 01:32
Great Poem
I love this
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Nordic cloud
Sun, 2011-06-05 01:51
But the sun doesn't leave us
But the sun doesn't leave us at night now!!
I'm only smiling at that thought, but then most of the earth is darkened by night time, in northern Norway they are up all night in Summer and sleep long in Winter, so there are normal days at night up there!
"sun and stars shine
the earth moves
away"...the only thing that mad me reread this bit was the hanging of AWAY onto the earth, as opposed to the THE LIGHT OF DAY.
This made my mind feel uncomfortable for a moment, that's why they have things like commas I suppose, or break of verse perhaps. Yes you could move 'away' down a line making the break.
Not totally sure why the four-legged creatures only stood on the hill once upon a time? But the picture I like of them doing it.
Love to my friend Anna from the ape-Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.