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Train Watching

the sin of idleness debunked
I just sit
waiting for the moon

a penny for my thoughts is wasted
so save it for those rainy days

now, my mind still joyously plays and displays
its toy trains
but, I am not aboard

on the side line
watching the carriers of
knowlege and speculation
meander down self laid tracks
I nod, and wave,
and sit back to enjoy the show

for what it's worth
being here,
not trying to get someplace,
is worth every penny, nickle, dime and dollar
in the world

still, if you'd like to give me some
for one of my non-participatory thoughts
I'll try to catch one
though, it'll cost you

not for the thought (quite worthless)
but for disturbing my stillness

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


thanks for your comments. I enjoy them, and am enlightened, even if just slightly ( slow wit that I am).

I shall try to reciprocate more often, and in a more timely fashion.( poetry is easier, for me, than correspondence


author comment

I think the first line is captivating. I would suggest you drop “just” in line two because it has more impact when direct. I would drop the second line in parenthesis, in my mind it muddies the water. The content is solid and tells me about train watching and gives me the mood of it all. I’d suggest you consider dropping the use of “but” which is used three times in the last two verses, and, as I said before, parenthesis. Without these you could have a sharp scene painted here. It is, after all your poem, and I’m sharing my reaction.


I appreciate your feedback and have used your suggestions...they do make it sharper.
I didn't omit the word "just" because it alludes to the Zen practice called "just sitting"

thank you


author comment

flavoring in the writing! I enjoyed this feast and want more!



"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

I also like the flavor of mouth waters!
thank you for responding.


author comment
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