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long Meadow

In the long meadow
a fair maiden gazed
longingly, as she strolled
through the long grass.
With finger tips caressing
the petals of silk

She seemed to float
through the long meadow.
Why is she there?
Was it for her lover?
A secret tryst!

To be with her knight,
who rides on a
charger white.
A stallion strong.

The lady in green
looking so serene.
A day for day dreams,
her heart gives a flutter.

She hears a horse approach!
Would it be her knight?
Who makes her heart
So bright!

My lady looking
So forlorn.
Her smile eludes her.
With eyes wide open
like crystals shine.
Awaits a single
tear drop to fall,
in slow motion.

Will these crystallized
tear drops create
A magical grotto.
Where only she
can bring forth,
the spring eternal

The lone maiden weeps,
she gives a gentle sigh.
On a rock she sits,
where the waterfall
descends, into the
Secret grotto.

The fair maiden hears
A sweet melody.
She starts to sing,
as nature’s harmony
begins to play,
for her - alone.

Her gentle voice travels
beyond the long meadow.
To be heard by a lone
traveller on the road.

The voice melts his heart.
He makes his way
to the long meadow.
In search of this dream.

Nearer and nearer,
Step by step,
He inched forward.
Would he find
Who belonged to
This sweet voice!

In the long meadow
The fair maiden
waits

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Inspiration for this poem was a Road Sign with pen in hand inscribes on the paper that waits
Editing stage: 

Comments

Rosina

Hello my friend glad to be back.

I have not written much re dealing with probate of my late husband but i was on the way to the airport and saw this wonderful sign and that was all it needed i just streamed until it was done.

Blue

xxx

Electric Blue

author comment

Glad to see you back here and I love this part of your poem

The lone maiden weeps,
she gives a gentle sigh.
On a rock she sits,
where the waterfall
descends, into the
Secret grotto.

the secret grotto in Connecticut:) I love this image brought to me senses today. Nice to see your blue hair and your gentle soulful writings on here. Much love to you sis
xoxo

her secret grotto
where the water falls
gently as she
awaits her
shining admire
of love.... Magics sighs

Mona

Great to be back.

I feel the same just seeing that sign and my mind went into overload i just had to write down the visions it brought to me. Wistful Dreaming of my knight. On a White Charger he would come oh yeh! Ha

Electric Blue

author comment

I had a little trouble with this poem. The basic idea (noble knight following the beautiful voice of the girl) is a bit too old for me to get excited about. I certainly don't think that an old idea should regularly be ignored by poets, but it does come with baggage of responsibility. A poem using such a device needs to be exceptional. With too many meter problems, this is only a moderately nice poem. Second stanza- "through the long meadow" is an example. The poem is largely iamb, but "meadow" as an end stop is tough as the word is feminine.
Some other poets may complain about the inversions you use ("...on a charger white"), but I have always rather enjoyed them. I have no problem with your use of them.
Rhyme may have helped this cute little medieval style poem.
I'm very sorry to be so negative here, but I felt an honest comment was better than a facade of appreciation. It is what I desire with my poetry, so I (maybe falsely) presume that it is so with everyone else.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Hello Snow

I just stream i do not sit and work out different styles etc I write what i see and feel it just happens

blue

look forward to reading some of your work

Electric Blue

author comment

Hello my new poet friend.

I tend to stream and let it flow.

I will be posting many poems and look forward to your response.

Electric blue

Electric Blue

author comment

I felt the beauty in wait of the Knight, you did a great job with imagery

Except for these two lines, everything else was great

"Why is she there?
Was it for her lover?"

maybe like this:
"Why is she there,
Was it for her lover?

It just seem to me that these two lines work better this way, because of the emjambment of the whole poem
that's my opinion

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Eddie

Great to be back missed everyone

It was just dreaming seeing that sign i was there walking there in the long meadow waiting longing for my knight to come to me Ha!

Electric Blue

Electric Blue

author comment

Yes

A fair maiden waiting in the meadow for a secret tryst. For her knight to appear on a stallion white.

just the long for a true love

Electric Blue

author comment

Ian

Great to be back at last missed everyone thank you for you messages of comfort. I am still dealing with probate and attorneys etc but hopfully soon it will be completed

thank you for you comments I wanted to lift others out of the place i am in and just be in that beautiful long meadow longing for my knight to come to me.

Always my friend

Electric Blue

Electric Blue

author comment

but can you guess my opinion of this one?
Hint: I thought Wesley's comment was spot on.

If you want to give it some oomph I would suggest you put yourself in her shoes. I can't see you waiting all forlorn! More like dragging him off his horse, giving him some shit for taking so long and demanding a pre-nup! [grins]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Hi Jess

Great to be back

Yes for me i have been in a dark place with loosing my third husband to cancer and dealing with probate attorneys i needed a special place to go to. I saw this road sign and i was there. With no expectations just longing to be love some day.

I found a special place for me

I am an independant woman and never marry for cash. I only marry for love i look after myself and never expect others to do so.

I just stream i do not work the mechanics as other's do

so just go on my journey and be at peace in a beautiful meadow time time just to be

Electric Blue

Electric Blue

author comment

Yet still find the passivity a bit disturbing. Perhaps that was your intent, the immobilisation of grief?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Jess I can read you my friend and no offence was taken just glad to be back and hope to be inspired by you all always blue

Electric Blue

author comment

my friend

The fair maiden was waiting in the meadow green. For a secret tryst. waiting for her knight on a stallion white to appear.

Just dreaming for the day of his return.

Electric Blue

author comment

JC hope you are well my number is the same i will email you

As for the poem it was just a moment a vision as it was not meant to be fussed at re the mechanics. Just drifting along in the moment.

misssed you

Electric blue

Electric Blue

author comment

Hello my friend

Yes just day dreaming. words i stream until it is done.

I work on feeling at the time not on mechanics.

xx

Electric Blue

author comment

Hi Blue, perhaps when you sort this out (my sincere condolences), you will have emerged with a unique voice of your own. At the moment, this poem seems to me to be disjointed and tells so many stories that it doesn't tell one in a manner befitting the best I have read of yours.

My best wishes for you.

~Anna

p.s. I forgot to mention that the *long meadow* evokes much for me, and I wonder if it evokes a *widow-s walk* for you....

Hello my friend

Yes i am just lost in time -

the Town Name i just started streaming in the car. ( i was the passenger on the way to the airport)

so it flowed until it was done

not think about mechanics. just to be in my vision at the time

xx

Electric Blue

Electric Blue

author comment

My Friend

The fair maiden waiting for a secret tryst in the meadow green. From her knight on his stallion white.

Just day dreaming.

Electric Blue

author comment

Anna

Yes still lost in the mist of time as this was my third husband to who the lord has taken from me so yes longing for a love to come find me i will be waiting

my mind just wandered with pen in hand rested on the paper that waits and i just streamed through tears flowing long for speical moments yes i feel disjointed and all over the place at this time but now back with my poet family and maybe i will find my voice again soon.

always

Electric Blue

Thanking you for your kindess

Electric Blue

author comment

Thank you friends Yes been in this place so many times but it does not get better I know when i get all the red tape out of the way i can move forward fully. but for now stepping stones getting there.

always

Electric blue

xx

Electric Blue

author comment

Good to see you back. I'm sorry to hear about your loss
and hope that you are holding up.

Richard

Richard

Hello yes i have missed you all. But all this red tape does get you down and fills all your waking and sleeping moments. Hopefully i will be able to fill my time with happier thoughts.

Always my friend i will be looking in on every one real soon

love and hugs

xxx

Maggie

Electric Blue

author comment

Thank you Richard

I have been lost for a long time

i have just lost my twin sister in December 2020 and my last brother in March 2021

so not created much as life has just got in the way.

many thanks

Electric Blue

xx

Electric Blue

author comment

welcome back.
I am sorry for your loss, and sorrier you must deal with probate and attornies: never fun.

This poem has potential, but as previous comments state, it is disjointed and choppy. The imagery is there however, and I think that if you made this rhyme it would improve the cadance and impact immeasureably.
I am primarily a freeverse poet, as you probably know from the old site, but I feel that these kinds of poem lend themselves especially to verse.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Jim

Yes I remember you. I have been lost without our poet family which has been a great help for me to cope. Poetry is my council and you know i have written through my emotions through happy and sad times. I have been loaded down with red tape and expense etc. Why does it all take so long then i can be free to express again unburdened.

Yes this was a stream poem but i take head from all re maybe make it a rhyming poem it is a task i set myself and see what will become.

thank you for you kindness

Maggie

Electric Blue

author comment

I am sorry for all your losses . I went through a short period of time when I lost 5 family members in 3 years and I know it is a tough thing to endure. On an aside I like your poem lol

Scribbler

Me Too

I have lost three generations now

Grand parents
parents
3 Brothers 1 to Covid Pneumonia March 2021
Their wives
2 Sisters one my twin December 2020
Their husbands

My 3 husbands
their in-laws

So i am the last of the line.

So i have been in a dark place for a long time taking care of business still.

trying to work my through.

Poetry is my council my saviour

so just give me time hope i can get inspired here again.

With my Neo family to guide me through.

xx

still trying to work out this new format.

Electric Blue

author comment
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