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MAY FLURRY
Not too long after day's sunrise
this morning at the end of May
came a warm pleasant surprise
nature chanced to send my way
As I sat and looked around
there came with breeze a tiny flurry
flakes of white swirled to the ground
and frosted it in quite a hurry
Beneath a large wild cherry tree
shedding tiny petals to the wind
a snapshot seen by only me
ten minutes time from start to end
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2011-05-29 08:07
Hi Jayne
I knew I would have to write of this as soon as it happened. Still don't think I got it quite right. Thank you for visiting, always nice to see your smiling face..............stan
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-05-29 08:12
hi Rose
We get enough snow to enjoy it but not so much as to become a burden. So seeing a "flurry" of petals falling through warm spring air was quite a site. Thank you for coming by and leaving such kind comment......stan
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-05-29 12:41
Hmmmm....
you realize the "snow" referred to here was a flurry of wild cherry blossom petals falling to and covering the ground?.....................stan
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2011-05-30 10:45
rose
whenever clarity is lacking
I feel the writer must be slacking..........lol............stan
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-05-29 13:46
Hi Stan
as is your forte you create such lovely images and moods with your words..perhaps you would like to tweak the last stanza ...
regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Sun, 2011-05-29 13:52
Hi raj
I am always tweaking my stuff and since I'm not really happy with this I'm sure last stanza will be nudged along with the rest of it. It was good of you to drop by and leave a suggestion..............stan
author commentRottiestyl
Sun, 2011-05-29 18:28
It's always been a sad thing
It's always been a sad thing for me to watch a leaf fall. Somehow, making me mad that it's short life is over but if admired for only a brief moment I suppose it is well worth the loss. On a lighter side, the cottonwood tree really pisses me off sometimes. It just covers everything! Always waiting till just after the lawn is mowed and the weeds are pulled. Nature has always had a sense a humor to me. Great piece Stan.
Kim
(V)
Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.
By: K. Mulroney
" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."
scribbler
Sun, 2011-05-29 19:10
hi Kim
No cottonwoods around here, but we have this innocuous little vine called kudzu lol. I am glad you enjoyed my little attempt...............stan
author comment