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Loser
Loser
I try to a be a good daughter
a caring sister , be the best I can be.
It’s not enough,
Try to be me and let people be who they need to be.
Make an attempt not hurt any one
to consider everyone, but
I manage to cause pain,
my soul is drained.
Try to be me and let people be who they need to be.
I have so much love to share
but my vulnerabilities,
mean my heart is ripped out,
I’m going under.
Hear the cry,
I can never win.
Hark the warrior chant,
you are a loser, and have always been.
No success
world in terror,
torn us sunder ,
life keeps fucking with me.
Try to be me and let people be who they need to be.
The world beats me down,
won't set me free.
Smacking me down,
the world is too real.
Try to be me and let people be who they need to be.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
A song of depression, luckily not the way I always feel
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
West London
Favorite Poets
Pablo Neruda, Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics
Comments
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2011-05-26 01:02
loser
I like this poem. I have felt this way most of my life. people say be who you are and harass you for change.
"be who you are and let them worry about who you can't become."
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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lou
Thu, 2011-05-26 01:22
Hi
Thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentlou
Thu, 2011-05-26 05:46
Ian
Thank you , we all feel depressed sometimes, this feeling runs in the back ground and with the volume down sometimes, other times the volume is up full blast lol.
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2011-05-26 10:01
No critique...
to offer, just wanted to say that I felt the pain, the despair. Which makes it a good poem. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lou
Thu, 2011-05-26 10:04
Gee
Thank you.
Chat soon?
love ya
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentlou
Thu, 2011-05-26 13:29
Lonnie
Thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentlou
Fri, 2011-05-27 11:37
Xena
Thank you for the critique, glad that tiu liked the poem.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2011-05-27 10:52
Dear LOu,
I know just what you mean. Third of three girls, I will always be "the (bad) baby."
I used to be the troubled rebel child. No one notices that I have moved on and am in a 25 year stable, loving relationship! Steve wonders how I ever survived my family. The biggest bunch of crazies since planters put nuts in jars. They go on making the same mistakes, not learning from them. One sister married the same man twice, and another man three times. Both of them losers. Her three children grew up to be wastes of space. I won't even get into the oldest sister! Suffice it to say, I give her money every couple of months so she can get by.
See what your poem touched off in me?!!!
I am sure glad you don't feel like this all the time.
Love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Fri, 2011-05-27 11:34
Cat
The poem is really about not feeling I'm worth while, it's like there is a little piece of the puzzle missing and that it will never be found.
Glad you liked the poem.
Much love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentmagics02
Fri, 2011-05-27 11:52
Dear Lou
I will not crit in normal way here for I will say this much. This line rings true I think for many of us or should I say instead for me it is spot on.
Try to be me and let people be who they need to be.
It is exactly my motto also. I also know just where you are coming with this one. It is true and in alot of families this rings truth. You stay the way you are honey and yes be you for this last thought
'DON'T LET THE BASTARDS AND BITCHES GRIND YOU DOWN"
You got that one spot on. Stay the way you are, you are strong and you also don't take no shit off of anyone. OOps did I just say a curse word. Oh my soap in my mouth.
And the bubbles did come
Love at you gal and remember always
Try to be me and let people be who they need to be.
Love it
Mona