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die Prognose
ich doese in der Sonne
und das Mitleid
hat mit der Begeisterung und dem Kutter
wir sind besorgt
und der Korbe wird nicht auftauen
das Geraeusch is schlaefrig
hoeflich
und auf die Schulter klopft ein Hand
neugierig und wissbegierig
der Erfolg hat keines Talent
nur die Disziplin
und meine Wortgewandtheit ist wagemutig
ehrlich nicht
ich habe den Verstand verlieren
und mein Herz
macht Karriere und besitzt die Lernbereitschaft
vieleicht habe ich vermasselt
misslangte
ich achte niemand
und die Umwelt wird verschmutzt
nie sauber
das Polareis hat sich verschlechtern
und wir sparen kein Energie
die Oeffentlichkeit is bedeutungslos
ich kein die Spur nicht
finden
under das Netz verlagert die Bibliothek
und ich analysiere die Analyse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Not really a poem, just a list of German words I'm working with. I know that the metaphor is kinda "out there" lol! Please let me know if my grammar is off :)
Editing stage:
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Comments
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2011-05-20 11:13
Oh my Paper Umbrella, we need
Oh my Paper Umbrella, we need Nina back for this, and even Joe they understood your language, I am not sure how many here do, but I do not, well some words due o the similarity with Norwegian, but I am at a loss to comment on its quality!!! Good luck.
Love to you, I expect it is good as the poetry I have read from you is, and interesting too.
Ann of Norway
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-05-23 16:33
Google
Google translate.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-05-23 16:40
Paper
I like the sentiments, but you are quite right in your finall word, and this does need a lot of work, to improve the grammar and some spelling ("miss arrived", for example).
This could be good, if not so disjointed.
I think German lends itself very well to poetry; Rilke is one of my favorite poets.
Edit this, and let's see how you geet on with it!
Kudos for trying it.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Kailashana2
Mon, 2011-05-23 17:23
One of my favourite Rilke
One of my favourite Rilke poems, translated of course, since I don't remember much German,
was retranslated by my almost-life-partner, Michael of Munich (where I was born). He, as a German and spiritual master, as well as poet, adept in English, gave a depth to the poem that it didn't have. German is a language of strength and imagery.
~A
CCfire
Tue, 2011-05-24 02:38
It's all Greek to me lol ;)
It's all Greek to me lol ;)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
CCfire
Tue, 2011-05-24 02:54
chuckles
Ja..that's what Churchill said too :P lol
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche