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Forever In My Heart

I wipe the tears of the rain

That run down my face

I'll wait for love in vain

Until time will shatter like grace

 

I'll hold you in my heart

Like the wind in my hands

I'll keep your memory as a whole part

Of my dreams that drift like sands

 

Until time is no more

The wound and pain of loving you

Will remain in a closed door

As a living existence of a love so true

 

In the hour glass

Memories of you will forever live

Like the beautiful lass

That wished for the love you couldn't and will never give

 

Close your eyes

And feel the wind of memory

And when cicada in the dusk cries

Find it in your heart to remember me

 

Bury me with wildflowers

And do not forget

That stars are my witnesses

For this unrequited love I do not regret

 

Live to see the dawn each day

And be happy holding her hand

I may find it hard to say

But for you, my heart tries to understand

 

Please, even in a small part let it be

That you'll remember this love of a fleeting being

Look at the wildflowers and do not forget me

For tomorrow, at twilight, I'll be leaving...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Well this poem is pretty light and not that deep. This tells a lot about a kind of love that is true and yet, one-sided. I do not intend to use deeper meaning for this. I tried to quit writing poems because of discouragement that is why I haven't been here for quite some time...but it feels good to be back!
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thanks once again! I've been away for quite some time...and a lot happened to me especially to my love life. It's amazing how events in life (even the worst part) can make you produce a work that is real and beautiful. It's kind of crazy but I was really imagining myself living my life with this broken heart of mine...and I just put everything into writing.

Thanks for the encouragement! It's nice to be back!

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

Welcome back. I enjoyed the read. I also seldom critique a poem by a member I've not met before, so hurry up and write another so I can feel free to give alternatives lol..............scribbler

Thanks, don't worry I don't mind being critic because I think it's natural. And we need criticisms to know how we are so it's important. I'm fine being critic, I kind of appreciate it =)

Thanks

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

Thanks, don't worry I don't mind being critic because I think it's natural. And we need criticisms to know how we are so it's important. I'm fine being critic, I kind of appreciate it =)

Thanks

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment
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