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Ecstasy

beautiful pictures
cascade in eyes of lovers
with each intimate stroke

liquid emotions
erupt in an orgasmic
riot of colors

ecstatic throes
echo spirit of union
with flashes of lightning

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
my attempt to reflect on the range of emotions and feelings one encounters in life..Ecstasy is the first in the series i propose to come up with...readers are requested to contribute with their own perceptions...
Editing stage: 

Comments

i like this raj
great use of alliteration with the 'e' sound

a couple of little things
- with the word 'emote'
it means to pretend... to exaggerate..... did you mean to convey this? also you have used 'emotion' in the next stanza....rather close....maybe something like 'exposed' will more say what you mean (imho lol)
and
'like flash of lightning' - as you have used 'ecstatic throes',
do you think 'flashes' might sound better?

i especially like the middle stanza
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

nice of you to visit this page and thank you for your comment and suggestions which are spot on..appreciated and applied....

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

you know my fascination about Haikus..but these are not quite Haikus but close to them in the context of my effort to minimize on word usage...thank you for connecting with the fireworks..it indicates that it has served the intended purpose..in as much as stoking of embers lol....thank you for your suggestion..i have made the edit...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

good of you to visit and leave an appreciative comment..thank you...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Wow the fireworks of it all, no serene happening this time, an exotic flowers dream, the sparks the stamens and the colours flashing. I haven't heard it described like this before, its exciting to read as judyanne says. I enjoyed it.

Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

thank you for your kind comment...good to know you enjoyed my effort....

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Thank you Lonnie for your comment...much appreciated...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

vibrate
your colourful orgasms
wow they all
vibrate in unison

loved

Thank you Loved for your read and comment..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

have u ever read any of mine i wonder
ur tooo goood

loved

I read this before the edit but waited to comment, I wanted to re-read it.
It is much better with the edit. good work.
Everyone covered what I thought of the write.
so not much more to say.
I like the idea of what your going to do with the series.

Eddie C

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Thank you Eddie for the read and comment...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thank you for visiting again and your appreciative comment...lets see how i am able to do more with the series..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Dear Raj, Intimacy (sex) has never been my subject, but here reading yours I am inclined to think of composing one on it. Your poetry will help me carve a new niche in my poetry career. Great essay.
Regards
Ayaz

as long as there is no perversion ecstasy it is one of the incredible moment / mood/emotion to write about is what i believe...nice to know you have liked this write and feel inspired to write about it...thank you for your kind comment..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I found this a little ho-hum. In reading over it a few times, the issue for me is this: the choice of certain words makes me feel that I am "reading about" rather than "experiencing." When I read words like "beautiful", "orgasmic" and "ecstatic", my eyes and senses gloss over them. I don't want to read that something was "orgasmic"; I want the word choices and patterns to create a sensory connection to that experience, through rhythm (something akin to Tennyson's "Cannon to right of them . . . "), tactile imagery, whatever. Some of your lines do better at this, e.g., "pictures/cascade in eyes") and more experiential lines like this would be helpful.

thank you for your elaborate comment which is much appreciated...i will try to create the feel rather than describe...which i believe is what you have suggested...it would be a challenge to achieve that level of expression but certainly something to aim at..thank you once again..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

You asked for a perception of ecstasy. I hope this will do.

secrets

I am foreign
among your petals
breathing deeply.
softly sighing
brain eruptions
tiny tingling deaths
intubate me
with kisses slow,
being is believing.
sniffling surreptitiously
dandelion fuzz
on fluttering fingers
exhalation travel

Your poem is very sweetly erotic with your delicate touch. I like these lines best:

ecstatic throes
echo spirit of union
like thunderbolts

brings to mind fond memories. The title is apt, lol! Good start for your series. One of my favorite subjects. I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work.

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

thank you for your comment...good to know you liked it which is inspiring..

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

that is nice to know JayCee...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

*Ecstasy is the new frequency* Chris Griscom http://www.amazon.com/Ecstasy-New-Frequency-Chris-Griscom/dp/0671666517

Read this when it first came out, came to experience it as the energy that IS life when it is unblocked.

Thank you for your poem, Raj.

~A

Thank you Anna for re-visiting this page and for your comment...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

so nice of you to check out...sorry to disappoint you that i haven't posted anything for past so many weeks..partly due to pre-occupation with work and partly because not getting the inspiration...sort of a writer's block....may be i will try to get into a writing mode this weekend...

much love ..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I just came back to check on you since I haven't heard from you in a while. How are you?

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

so nice of you & JayCee to check out...it is much appreciated..as i have mentioned to her i feel sorry that i haven't posted anything for past so many weeks..partly due to pre-occupation with work and partly because not getting the inspiration...sort of a writer's block....may be i will try to get into a writing mode this weekend...

much love and wishing you are fine..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

in ecstasy and sex
there is total freedom,
My friend…
what is perversion
in the modern era is,
of sex in any form its aversion

sexual attitudes have changed,
since aeons gone by, today
no youth of sex is shy
What of perversion you say?

many a guys can
Both gals and gays simultaneously lay.
it’s a matter of cultural, porn,
the West is far ahead,
even though sex in the East
Is not yet dead…

loved

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