Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

An Untold Story

I need to tell you an untotld story,
It involves four ignorant characters,
as for the worls the are blackened glory,
which don't seem fecund to this world of actors...

Everyday in the morning,
sometimes I see a mother too groaning,
But usually there are there are three little stars,
burning in the shadow of a tree...

Two little boys and their very little sister,
keep on playing weird things on a wooden carriage,
sometimes rolling in the field like twister,
hanging on the tree's branch,
seeing beautiful mirage...

Rarely I have seen them getting a brown box,
sitting in the scorching sun,
their mother finally opening their mouth's lock,
feeding them the raw food from their poverty ridden tiffin...

I watch a sight of them in the same sun,
thinkinf if they will get their another tiffin,
when the moon comes...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem's a real story and there so many more in my country but I'm helpless,I can't do anything for them even if I'm lucky enough. I hope you like this poem whereas I know I have not done the justice with subject,I accept.But still cab you please help me to improve and suggest me this poem's destination. :) :)
Editing stage: 


I shall write you a poem

Of an unsung soldier
Only tears will wash away Ur sadness
And bring to the unsung some brightness

All one needs
Is only clappers indeed


I see Rosina has already given a lot of help. My main suggestion is to check carefully for typos before submitting .One or two is not unusual, but too many really disrupts reading. This poem will really do a great job conveying the destitution you've described with a bit of polish. It is also good to see you back writing here again.........scribbler

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.