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EVENING BANE

I open up a screenless door
early on this pleasant April eve
allowing in night sounds and more
fragrances waft for us to breathe

We sit upon the couch we share
enjoying senses and watching shows
attention divided here and there
between outside and T.V.'s glow

Until a whine betrays the bane
of warm evenings everywhere
a mosquito seeking to attain
blood from any skin left bare

I sigh, arise, and close the door
deleting smells and muting sound
knowing what the fire flies' glows are for
we sit and watch them fly around

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

One day poet

one poem a day poet,
unlike me
a barrage ,
a surf ,
a mirage
an avalanche
a tsunami
a hurricane
that one can be

loved

I do well to come up with even one per day. Thanks for dropping by.............scribbler

author comment

ur very good SPORT
POET I LIKE YOU
SIR STAN
THE ONLY MAN..........
IF THAT TO SAY
I CAN

loved

the feeling is mutual

author comment

Thanks for sharing this blissful moment (blissful until the mosquito's arrival!) A minor distraction, this pest, then back to a lovely evening! Favorite lines:

I sigh, arise, the door to close
deleting smells and muting sound
sit back with you, watch fire flies' glows
advertising as they fly around

(a typo in line #4: wafts of fragrance we ca breathe
should be "can")

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

LOL. typo was for Mandy to find. She had teased me about not having so many for her to correct me on and now you beat her to it lol. Thanks for the visit and eagle eye.................stan

author comment

Darn it! Cat's picked up the typo! Unless it's suposed to be that way. He he.

I like the rhyming style and the title was entirely appropriate - mosquito are a bane.

Thanks for sharing!! I enjoyed the read.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

P.s Are you going to put a door with a screen in now? Lol

As stated above, for once typo was on purpose lol. Oh well, I'll just go back to my usual flawwliss tiping lmao.Thank you for taking time to visit.............stan

author comment

"fire flies' glows" fire flies glow/fire fly glow?

Ah and when THEY come it all a pain unless we have net curtains, as we have to in Flatdal so that the window can be wide open all night and day on the veranda, letting in the cool air at night without any tiny buzzing visitors!!!!

We don't visit Northern Norway at mosquito time!!!! The clouds of them are not quite as thick as in Paraguay but bad enough. Last year it was too dry, then wet and cold for them to produce at the right moment, so we met only the odd one.

This poem set a scene in which we took part, and the sense and sounds within it were audible and felt, you can do that Stan, and we enjoy the company.

Bzzzzzzzzz! Love from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Kinda surprised at the buzz this scribble has caused(just had to say that lol). fire flies' -plural possessive, glows-plural to match fireflies'. At least I think I got that right. I had heard of the short intense mosquito seasons in far northern latitudes but hadn't even thought of including Norway. I am glad to have had you visit and comment..........stan

author comment

comments. No doubt they tell you of the typo in the first verse. I’m not up to speed on your style but I wonder if you need “we can breathe” in line four. Seems “fragrance” might work and actually rhyme, but your may be going for the syllable count. Same might apply to the first line of verse two. I think it could say, “We sit upon the couch we share” “So" not needed in my opinion. Unlike much of what I have read from you this work seems to force extra words in order to achieve rhyme. I love the theme because you set the scene well and the context paints a clear and vivid picture. . . . darn those evening bugs... swat, swat.

vexations

Meant to have already removed that intentional typo lol. I am also gonna remove"So" right now and will think of other ideas a bit. I know this is a very rough and hurried draft,"door to close" Yoda it sounds like . Might have to do a Lot with that stanza. Always good to hear from you.............scribbler

author comment

That snafu last night where I unintentionally put a bunch of stuff back on stream through editing is resulting in many comments not expected lol. Thank you for yours................stan

author comment

It is these simple experiences of life that, in spite of their simplicity, are in fact the mainstay of our lives, the days pass with the same things repeated and we revel in them, or ignore them, like a drone in the background(:) )

It is in fact when we LIVE. and kind-of quote I don't remember-know it better in N. " I didn't know it was those days that passed that were life."

Like the haïku you caught the same directness of expression without embroidery and that is their essence too. Stan you could perhaps make one out of this too?

Happy Summer, hope there won't be too many "mygg." LuvAnn.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Here I was just thinking I was writing about mosquitoes lol.............stan

author comment

Never read such a poetic way of describing a simple night at home. I liked the fire flies, don't know why really, it just kinda pulled it all together. Good stuff.

K. Mulroney

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

I have always thought fireflies were part of the definition of a summer evening. Thank you for the read and such kind words......stan

author comment
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