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Better Days... [East Main St story]

Hot, sweaty night with stagnant air
The smell of stale beer
crowding up against the cracked walls
and peeling paint

A black and white Marlon Brando
screaming; Stella.... Stella!
from the little T.V. sitting
next to the window

I see the black and rusty fire escape
through tatted lace yellowed with nicotine
Pop's head lying upon forearm
his mother's face behind his bleary eyelids

A winter morning and frosted windows
fried dough and hot chocolate
hugs and kisses
and better days

He told me once...

His raspy voice cries; "I'm sorry mom"

I'm sorry too...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is something I wrote long ago and just revisited. It needed apolish and I had more thoughts.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

in this poem, was to show not only the poverty of some, but the dreams of a man who in his drunken stupor, dreams of better days in the past, when he shared a winter morning with his mother. I don't believe that most rich people, wish to keep the poor poor, but just to keep themselves rich. ~ Gee

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author comment

I echo Ian's remarks. It is a terrible shame the way things work out.

love, cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Yes, a terrible shame that some people feel so bad about themselves that they maintain a constant state of drunkeness or intoxication on drugs and alcohol that they never escape their environment, and just dream of better days. Love ya, ~ Gee

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author comment

I think you got it in one! As for the smell, sorry about that. As always, thanks for the read and comments. Love ya, ~ Gee

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author comment

We all look to better days even if these better days are distinctly individual as we all are. Might we enjoy more of them for there is enough strife and trouble to each day and their offspring.

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

to that! I think you came up with the same feelings that Shirley did, and that was my intent. Thank you, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

I didn't know what it was called, but I felt it so strongly that it just flowed right out from beneath my fingers. Sorry for the lump in your throat, but that means that I did what I intended do; evoke images in your mind. Glad it was something you could relate to. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

To make one think! I am glad to make people think. The reality of poverty, is that many become discouraged, and turn to drugs and alcohol, which then makes them even poorer. I see it all the time. Children left to fend for themselves, wandering the streets at night in gangs. Fathers and mothers, passed out in front of the T.V. or out in the clubs, with grandma babysitting, snoring on the couch.
Thank you for the comments that mean so much to me. I hope that I have come a ways. I have all the poets here to thank for that, especially some, who have encouraged me to write what I feel, and feel what I write. There is lots of grit to be written yet! Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

very visual - sad and melancholic in its way
brings memories of my own....

one thing -
'from the little T.V. setting- ('set' or 'sitting'??)
and
'on a his and her only morning' - do you think 'his and her' need quotation marks ?? or to be joined by hyphens -

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

for catching the spelling error. I am looking at the suggestion of quotation marks or joining by hypens now.
Glad to see you here again. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

Lovely poem, gee. Again you've touched me with memories of my own. I was sent to a rural school built of adobe. My friends were extremely poor, mostly mestizos, but I thank my Dad for forming my present mindset about poverty, discrimination and the greedy rich.
I shall return for another read, you've made me think a lot. Tx for that!

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

the result of a visit to my father after he and my mother split up and he moved to a seedy hotel at the other end of town.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

just a few moments ago, in a comment to a poem in the workshop "Titles". I had reconciled with my father a few years before he died. We were still working on our relationship when he passed away. I have made a couple of changes to the poem, just shortly before I put it on the list for you to read. Thank you for your most kind comments. I appreciate your time and efforts to help me make my series of writings on my pre-teen years at East Main St. a success. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

thank you for bringing this piece of work to my attention again. the rawness of the memory gives me chills. I'm reminded of the precious moments I've wasted on bad times...sometimes it is just too hard to let it go. I think it is healthy to write aabout it and get out.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

you are in for the whole bunch that I have written about those times. I went and revised the titles to reflect the East Main St.
and now they are showing up one after the other in the stream. I guess that is okay though; maybe I will get some fresh perspective on them and edit and prepare them for publishing. Thanks for all your great feedback. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

This is good
In a sad way.

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

This is a true story, about a visit to my father at the seedy little hotel, he had moved to after my parent's divorce; where I found him asleep at the table with a half-empty bottle of booze. You will find some of the [East Main St. Stories] are about some sad things. [Sorry].

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

Don't be sorry.
It's good to write sad things
Maybe even more than happy ones.
Poetry's good for tough stuff.

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

and smiles. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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