Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Better Days......

Hot, sweaty night with stagnant air
The smell of stale beer
crowding up against the cracked walls
and peeling paint

A black and white Marlon Brando
screaming; Stella.... Stella!
from the little T.V. sitting
next to the window

I see the black and rusty fire escape
through tatted lace yellowed with nicotine
Pop's head lying upon forearm
his mother's face behind his bleary eyelids

A winter morning and frosted windows
fried dough and hot chocolate
hugs and kisses
and better days

He told me once...

His raspy voice cries; "I'm sorry mom"

I'm sorry too...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is something I wrote long ago and just revisited. It needed apolish and I had more thoughts.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

in this poem, was to show not only the poverty of some, but the dreams of a man who in his drunken stupor, dreams of better days in the past, when he shared a winter morning with his mother. I don't believe that most rich people, wish to keep the poor poor, but just to keep themselves rich. ~ Gee

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

I echo Ian's remarks. It is a terrible shame the way things work out.

love, cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Yes, a terrible shame that some people feel so bad about themselves that they maintain a constant state of drunkeness or intoxication on drugs and alcohol that they never escape their environment, and just dream of better days. Love ya, ~ Gee

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

I think you got it in one! As for the smell, sorry about that. As always, thanks for the read and comments. Love ya, ~ Gee

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

We all look to better days even if these better days are distinctly individual as we all are. Might we enjoy more of them for there is enough strife and trouble to each day and their offspring.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

to that! I think you came up with the same feelings that Shirley did, and that was my intent. Thank you, ~ Gee

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

I didn't know what it was called, but I felt it so strongly that it just flowed right out from beneath my fingers. Sorry for the lump in your throat, but that means that I did what I intended do; evoke images in your mind. Glad it was something you could relate to. ~ Gee

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

To make one think! I am glad to make people think. The reality of poverty, is that many become discouraged, and turn to drugs and alcohol, which then makes them even poorer. I see it all the time. Children left to fend for themselves, wandering the streets at night in gangs. Fathers and mothers, passed out in front of the T.V. or out in the clubs, with grandma babysitting, snoring on the couch.
Thank you for the comments that mean so much to me. I hope that I have come a ways. I have all the poets here to thank for that, especially some, who have encouraged me to write what I feel, and feel what I write. There is lots of grit to be written yet! Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

very visual - sad and melancholic in its way
brings memories of my own....

one thing -
'from the little T.V. setting- ('set' or 'sitting'??)
and
'on a his and her only morning' - do you think 'his and her' need quotation marks ?? or to be joined by hyphens -

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

for catching the spelling error. I am looking at the suggestion of quotation marks or joining by hypens now.
Glad to see you here again. ~ Gee

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

Lovely poem, gee. Again you've touched me with memories of my own. I was sent to a rural school built of adobe. My friends were extremely poor, mostly mestizos, but I thank my Dad for forming my present mindset about poverty, discrimination and the greedy rich.
I shall return for another read, you've made me think a lot. Tx for that!

*
*
*
"The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man." T.S. Eliot, from The Wasteland.

the result of a visit to my father after he and my mother split up and he moved to a seedy hotel at the other end of town.
~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

I feel a great sadness reading this, your imagery really fantastic. I just felt it how it must have been for that moment and to actually put it on paper well hard for sure. An excellent write.
I just feel like singing hotel California now!

Thank you...Teddy

just a few moments ago, in a comment to a poem in the workshop "Titles". I had reconciled with my father a few years before he died. We were still working on our relationship when he passed away. I have made a couple of changes to the poem, just shortly before I put it on the list for you to read. Thank you for your most kind comments. I appreciate your time and efforts to help me make my series of writings on my pre-teen years at East Main St. a success. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.