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The Big Wait
.
I sit alone
a private pew, if you will
at my less than sanctified
kitchen table
a bottle of 80 proof
a glass
ash tray, cigarettes
and a pistol
another round
of solitaire
half hearted
half drunk
half assed any way you look at it
grumblin' at the radio
dj don't know
shit
just lost another game
shuffle and deal 'em out again
an entire evening without a win
kind'a integral to the theme I guess
a loser losing some more
'til all is lost
sounds about right
do I sense a sort'a weird offkey romanticism
to all this
kind'a like a film noir hero/ anti hero
hardboiled in grit
and cheap disappointment
gotta admit, I often do
a sideways glance at salvation
I suppose
which incidentally
keeps me in my private pew
at the kitchen table
a bottle, smokes
deck of cards
and a pistol
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-05-02 03:34
You could,
You could almost call this poem The Big Weight, I can picture the scene as i read. A deep dark heavy poem, but surely with a little humour. To keep losing when you feel at a loss and in need a way out, adds a little bit of ironic humour to your poem. And to argue with a dj who obviously can't hear, i have heard myself doing, and laughed. A poem i can't find to critisise, no i only have praise for this great peice of atmospheric poetry. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
brittle light
Mon, 2011-05-02 17:19
The Big Weight, hadn't
The Big Weight, hadn't thought of that! I sure do appreciate your thoughts on this piece. I think sometimes I'm too timid about going too dark, so I always insert a little sarcasm or slight bits of humor... adding a stylistic element that hopefully enhances a piece, I think....thanks for your time and compliments
sincerely
Al
author commentbrittle light
Mon, 2011-05-02 17:25
thanks for reading and
thanks for reading and commenting....the gun thing, I don't know....unused, as of yet...probably never will be...more of a security blanket...or something for self image....time will tell!
thanks again
Al
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2011-05-02 12:23
I had a great...
comment all written out for you, but then I discovered that it was the beginning of a poem, so I had to start over! Suffice to say, that I found it interesting, and I too, thought that the gun might come into play. Nice work, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
brittle light
Mon, 2011-05-02 17:30
glad you started a new poem..
glad you started a new poem...I guess I threw a few people off with the gun... a false clue in a mystery that wasn't
thanks for stopping by and commenting...always appreciated
Al
author commentbrittle light
Thu, 2011-05-12 14:13
thanks for your input. I will
thanks for your input. I will use your suggestions upon editing. They make sense. You are an astute reader, as well as a writer/poet
editing or rewriting seems almost like homework...I hated homework in my school days, and haven't outgrown the habit...so it may be awhile before I get to it (the edit )
Al
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