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circumvent
i
parallels in paths
worn smooth by duty,
to meet on the edge
of life's cliff
our destiny
ii
there is one
who holds this heart,
in the palm of his hands
he juggles more than words
iii
oh for the nights,
a symphony of bones
and skin entwined as one
where there is no start or end
.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
*vignettes
Editing stage:
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Comments
CCfire
Sun, 2011-05-01 18:02
I think
I'd have 'of life's cliff' as one entire line joined to the preceding line. Our destiny could stand alone.
I'd get rid of 'only' in the next vignette. Some strong emotions in this.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
49reasons
Sun, 2011-05-01 21:34
CC
edited... thanks from way over here.
~Juls~
"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda
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