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love letter #9

what a war we have...
had, truth is
we were opposed to white
preferred red and potent

nothing new there
our poetry was insignificant
i understood it
i tried to cope with you
you spoke my poetry
and now it doesn't sound decent
or understandable

i've watched us burn twice
most noticeable was
your reaction

nothing changed
nothing corrected

the poets in us still dreamed
the politicians lied and
the homeless remained

all alone

someone
somewhere
keeping us apart
still thrived

a hotel room is
often the only place
of refuge to
save our souls

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 

Comments

I agree with Lonnie's comment! This reminds me of the complexities of a love relationship. Very well done!

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!

One of your all-time best.

M

___________

Nah pop no style, a strickly roots.

5 Damns? That's a record I think. *hugs* I pared this one down a lot and yeah even I am happy with this one now.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

(the first line is smashing! Wonderful use of line break. have…had.)

My only nitpick is that you might drop “the same” and jump to homeless remained all alone.

The last verse is “priceless” so vivid and solid.

vexations

Thanks I like it without those two words too :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

been so busy lately, that i don't have much to time to be on here..but anyways, glad to see you penning :) i really like how applicable this piece is to today..well. any society really. the only part i had trouble with was the line break in the final paragraph..it was quite different than the other stanzas, so it stood out quite a bit..you might prob did it on purpose though ;) .

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