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Silent Observer (Co-write with Ziggy)

I am the silent observer
the mute intruder.
Trespassing upon conversations,
glimpsing expressions, glancing stare.

A fleeting mood,
lasting first impressions intrude.
Opportunistic eye catcher,
no words a silent smile, capturing you.

Transient, bypassing in-depth inspection
Skimming the surface, scanning your psyche,
nothing but a brief interlude.
Minimal interaction, self preservation, I conclude,

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your collaboration is as smooth as coffee and cream. A beautiful and intuitive blending result of the melding of two minds with one idea. You work well together, as evidenced here. my favorite lines:

A fleeting mood,
lasting first impressions intrude.
Opportunistic eye catcher,
no words a silent smile, capturing you.

but then, the ending lines are superb! I love the title and the content. It flows wonderfully and the language usage is flawless.

love, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I really enjoy writing with Ziggy, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the result, I'm sure Zigs will be pleased to.

Much love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Zigs & Lou,

the theme is brilliant, the silent observer is a character that fits my novel and I could feel this person taking it all in from within the shadows.

It has a feel of 'Eddie Styx'.

I enjoyed the rhyme and I think I know who wrote each stanza...although they ran into each other seamlessly.

I kept tripping over my tongue with this line:

Opportunistic eye catcher

It just feels too complicated and too much of a tongue-twister for me.

Good quality write, you work well together.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Zigs came up with basic theme, I contributed my ideas. I think your right about that line, I'll have a word with ziggy.

I'd be interested to see if you can pick which lines are mine and which belong to Zigs.

Glad that you enjoyed the poem.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

always a pleasure to co-write with you louise
"Opportunistic eye catcher, ,,,,mmm will think on it
catch up with ye all soon,,,,working long hard days
this weather ,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Speak to you soon Bud.

Love Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Damn, but you and Ziggy write good collaborative poetry.

I really don't see anything I would change, and unlike Dan I like the "opportunistic" line. Interesting, how much preferences and opinions can vary.

There's a strength that I love in this write, an absolute certainty of poise and self confidence.

Way, way good, you two!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I'm happy that you enjoyed our poem so much, not sure what to do about that line.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

This is impressive, I love how you bring out the characteristics of the silent observer.
So very well constructed.
bravo!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Thank you very much.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Thanks xena

Love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

cheers for the great feed back
this is going down better than I expected lol
Louise you made this write complete from a
couple of unfinished stanza I sent you so
thank you ,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Thanks, but you had a great frame work in place.

much love Louise xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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