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haiku I

I am leaves that fall
withering in the earths soil
Spring, a new cycle.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Haiku - so there 17/5-7-5 Hahaha! because I do know. We must follow rules,,sorry guys for the confusion
Editing stage: 

Comments

Japanese haiku don't have titles so it's irrelevant. I like the feel of lightness here, I assume you meant 'fall'
:)

spring hopes for sunshine
words from shady bowers sprung
a poem writes itself

:)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

it's Mother Nature or maybe the universe, at lease that was what was in my head as it blossumed. hahaha!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Yes I know that, but the unseen is meant like the style. nothing to do with the poem. I just felt I had too.
Why, who knows.
Thanks for the read!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

The purists would have it 17 but truly Basho who invented it actually says himself that the shape of the image and the words are more important and japanese syllables do not equate to english ones so I think it's a moot point. Amazingly though if a haiku comes to mind easily it almost always is 5 7 5 and I think that is Basho's point. A good haiku is just in a poet's mind where it lies in perfection no matter what the syllable count is. :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

The purists would have it 17 but truly Basho who invented it actually says himself that the shape of the image and the words are more important and japanese syllables do not equate to english ones so I think it's a moot point. Amazingly though if a haiku comes to mind easily it almost always is 5 7 5 and I think that is Basho's point. A good haiku is just in a poet's mind where it lies in perfection no matter what the syllable count is. :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

Chaez has explained perfectly. the thing is that in Spanish the count of these is the same. but 17 Japanese are as 15 English in Spanish they are also 17,. And yes it can be done 5 - 7 - 5
but the point is not moot, because there is still the 15 rule to follow in English.
I hope this helped

(if when I'm drunk and babbal words, Is that a Haiku? Hick-up, another.) is that 17
1 2 2 2 1 2 1 1 2 1 3 1 1 3 if I sound it out in spanish I get 23sybl
that's why it's 17 also in Spanish
But really as Chez said it's not easy in the translation. 575 is right but so is 17.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Tsk tsk the last thing a true poet does is conform to rules...who made them if not to be broken?

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

it's agreed, but I didn't like my Little Witch being confused.
When I write I never follow rules, In school they sat me in the corner all the time, but their mistake was they left me to my own imagination. that was the good thing. LMAO
no worries buddy (mate)

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Hahaha!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

5 7 5 =17
now i have to learn
English syllables
till then abide
with me

loved

Just like the rest of us, talk about conforming. I hate it!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Eddie,

a title for you:

ApologiesbutnotitleforthishaikupoemI'mafraid

a seventeen syllable title.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Wise guy, Hahaha!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Eddie,

I am upset and deeply saddened you didn't use my titel...it took me ages to get 17 syllables in that!..

...and I'm only kiddy mate!!

Lol!

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Stop your killing me over here, Hahaha!
I thought that was an alphabet or a language, that I could not regonize. LMFAO!!
Was that Japanese, I didn't know you could write in that language. your haiku's must be superb LOL!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Dear Eddie,

親愛なるエディー, 私はあなたを私が本当に知的であると思わせるために日本語であなたに応答することは正しいであろうと思いました。..私がそうではありません、しかし新しい言語で書くことが面白かったこと。

どうぞよろしく

Hooded Ninja

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Workshops are now open:
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

hahahaha!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Ed, I usually just title mine "Haiku" and have dome with it, unless its a collection of Haiku, in which case I'll give it a title.
Japanese Haiku and English Haiku are completely different. With japanese, not only the words and meanings but the structure of the piece, and often different levels of association and meaning of the characters themselves, lend extra layers of depth to the poem that is extremely hard to emulate in English.
But I love this Haiku of yours, it really works well.
As for the 5-7-5, I always use it, as I find it harder to put my words together with that restriction, and I'm always trying to stretch my own boundaries!

Good Haiku man, thanks for posting!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

How I do understand that, now I have haiku's running rampart in my head, "Savanah Beach"
I know all this It was just a confuseion I created by not following the rules of a Haiku. I hate rules but for the sake of those who don;t know I re-tracked myself. Hey I didn;t want anyone to be confused, with my own style of writing.
If I have one. Hahaha!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

the purpose of all restricted form poetry is to challenge oneself by writing within rules. I have been lead to believe that true Haiku needs a nature theme, would be written in Japanese in 5-7-5 form then translated to English where syllable count would fall where it may. So who wants to join THAT bandwagon? lol. So to keep it simple just use the rule you like best but be consistent in using it or just label it Japanese and don't worry about it..........scribbler
I thought a Haiku
would only be true to form
if in Japanese

i've always had problems with following form, and I just don't want too. Shirley is a friend and when I saw her question I said to myself, change it and make it clear, no confusion,.

" The universe can
influence impact on life
Stand there and watch it" (and there's another one)

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

The Haiku flu is spreading lol

S&E

I think you should co-write a haiku...but I want it in Japanese!

LOL!

regards,

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

please try and I'm not laughing.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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