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Yesterday

The darkness overwhelms me.
I live in yesterday's world.
Each yesterday is darker than the
one before. Seeing a sad black
life crossing out the days on the
calendar, one at a time.

Looking back, I cannot see past
the black shadow that engulfs me.
My life is spent trying to retrieve
yesterday.....I realize that it will
never come to pass, backwards I'm
wanting to retrieve the yesterday.
I realize that it will never come
to pass.

Life seems crushing the more I
try to continue. The weight on
my back is unbearable. No one is
there to comfort me. Peeking at
the calendar one last time, I
can stand the pressure of life
no longer.

I give up! My life is a tragedy, a
mistake. What I do best is venting
in the name of blood. After painting
my wrists scarlet I feel great relief,
and now I am ready for another
rusty day.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

but I think it needs a little edit. In the first stanza, you have left out the [r] in darkness the [y] from the end of yesterday, and a space between the e and the r in darker and the next word should be [than]. You should leave off the part that goes: Backwards, I'm wanting to retrieve the yesterday, I know it will never come to pass. And, did you mean [rusty]? Rustic means like a rural kind of thing, like in the country. I like the way that you painted your [wrists] scarlet, instead of cutting them. Your friend ~ Gee

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I needed to hear all that you have mentioned. This is why comments are here for. It does help me to pay more attention to my typing and grammar and punctuation. I do really apprecitate your comments. It will help me in future poems to come. Thank you again.

Friends,

Pixee

author comment

It has been a while since I have heard from you. I hope you have been doing fine. I am greatful for your maticulous comment. This is what comments are all about. If fellow poets don't tell me what is wrong with my poem(s) I will never improve my poems at all. I will not have learned a thing. I do take comments on my poems to heart and use what I have learned and put that to good use in my up comming poems. Thank you for your time and comment. Please keep up the great comments.

Friends,

Pixee

author comment

I am thankful for you help. I can always us a helper for my poems. I do know more about poems then I do. Your comments and criqueing(sp) are always welcome. Thank you so much for straightening my poem out. I like the way you changed it. I love it. I can't change what you have do. I cannot compete with a poet like you. I am working
on it though. Read you later.

Friends,

Pixee

author comment

about a difficult topic.
I like the overall work. I would suggest that you shorten lines two and three of verse one to something like

I live in yesterdays
Each darker than the one before.

In verse two I’m sure you have a typo, the “the” should be that
Also, see if you can write the rest of the second verse without using “it” What is the “it?” If you can do so you will add a lot of power to this verse.

The last verse is very strong. I like the use of “rusty day.”
I strongly suggest you do some editing on this poem. Great potential!

vexations

I am so sorry that it has taken me so long. I have been in the hospital for about 8 days, give or take a few days. I thank you for reading and commenting on my poem. I read what you have suggested and I like what you have mentioned. I like when my fellow poets comment on my poems and suggest a change to add something or take something out. This is what comments are for. It is a great way to learn how to write a better poem next time. I put a lot of thought into this one. I had something to say. I had to just get it off of my mind. Thank you again for you suggestion. Read you later.

Friends,

Pixee

author comment

I felt alot of emotion went into this write and it was more of a story like poem as you have periods in the middle of the verses. This is one line that threw me off here. Correct me if you will please

backwards I'm
wanting to retrieve the yesterday.

Is it you want to retrieve the yesterdays on that calendar or do you want to process them to a better tomorrow. I went through alot in my past and I can say the road I walk today is much better then the past roads of pain. I hope I made a little sense here and if you like I can come back and take another look at the rest of your story poem.

I did feel it by the way and the ending was strong.

Blessings
Mona

I read your comment and I think your question is valid. I am trying to retrieve the yesterdays on the calendar to digest the horrors so I don't repeat what I have and am going thru. I hope this is of some help. I appriciate your comment. You have given me a cruch to lean on. You have given me to write and be more clear. Read you later.

Pixee

author comment

I so understand this write for I too have gone through similiar situations. You are a strong writer and get those feelings out and write about them. It is the best thing to do and if you ever need any help I am here for you. I think I remember you from the old site. Am I correct

Blessings to you
Mona

I am so sorry it has taken so long for me to write you. I have been in the hospital for the past 8 days, give or take a few days. I appreciate you commenting on my poem. I am also glad to know that I am not the only one to feel the way I do. I guess you have it right. I write my problems into poems instead of cutting. Shame on me for saying this, but writing is what keeps me turning crimson. I do remember you from the old site. I am glad to hear from you again. Any poem I post PLEASE feel free to comment and/or help me. I can always use someone to tell me what my poem can be changed or added to. Thank you for your comment. Read you later.

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

this is a lovely. I like it a lot. I will come back and read some more of your work

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I thank you for commenting on my poem. I did a lot of soul searcjd this poem is how I feel. Thank you again.

Friends,

Pixee

author comment

I am so honored to have such a wonderful poet to comment on my poem. This poem came to me out of the blues. I wrote when I was having a fight with deprression and my many personalities. This is how I let it out in my poetry. I am glad you liked it. Read you later my friend.

Friends Always.

Pixee

author comment

This must have been a very difficult piece to write. It is full of painful and anxious emotion. You've had some wonderful suggestions that can be used to tighten up your poem. These are the lines which troubled me most:

Looking back, I cannot see past
the black shadow that engulfs me.
My life is spent trying to retrieve
yesterday.....I realize that it will
never come to pass,

( backwards I'm
wanting to retrieve the yesterday.
I realize that it will never come
to pass.) this part could be eliminated completely because it just repeats what you have already stated.

I hope this helps.
always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I am so sorry for not returning you comment. I have been in the hospital for about 8 days give or take a few days. I have read what you commented on. I have read my poem over again and I have to agree that I did repeat myself. I did not catch it due to the fact I had written it differently. I thank you for you keen eye. Your comments are always welcome. Thank you again for commenting, without poets like you I will never improve. I do improve a little better on each poem I write thanks to my fellow poets. Everyone's comment is graciously accepted.

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

hi there good to read you again I had a few suggestions but all seem to be covered in the above comments
a dark tormented theme for a write, I do prefer them my self you have got some great advise above , keep them coming
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

I just wanted to say I am so sorry that I haven't replied to you. I have been in the hospital for about 8 days, give or take a few. I am glad to read you again. It is always nice to hear from you. I thank you for commenting and agreeing with the others. I have a lot of great suggestions. I will have to rewrite it and try to put everyone's suggestions in it and put a few more of my own and take out some. Thank you again. Read you later.

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

Very dark and disturbing.

On a technical front, I think you have been given good technical advice by those respondinhg before me.

I just wanted you to know that I had read your piece and was disturbed by particularly the end, which was scary.

I hope you do not believe that your "life is a tragedy" and that you realise from the many people who have written in before me that there are many who care for your work.

There is a lot you have ahead yet to be accomplished.

P.

So sorry I haven't gotten back to you earlier. I am having a battle with the hospital. I have been in and out for the past 3 weeks. I do appreciate your comment. It is poets like you that help a poet like me. I love the comments they do help me write better and to put more into my poems. I try to put all of me into every poem I write, it is the only way I know how. I am going to rewrite this poem with everyone's comments and repost it. Thank you for you comment. This is one thought I just had to get out and off my mind. Take care and I'll read you later.

Friends,

Pixee

author comment

I thank you for you get well my friend yenti. It has been really rough, wires and tubes are NOT my thing. I'd rather be writing poems or commenting on the poets on the site. I am trying to do the best I can in between stays. Thank you again for the get well. Take care and I'll read you later.

author comment

I hadn't thought of that before. You may have something there, but I can rest assure that I am far from STANDING in the light. I am on my tippy toes for sure....I really do apprecieate you bringing this to my attention. It does give the poem another angle to look at. Your comments are always welcome!! It is poets like yourself that make me look on the other side of the poem. I thank you for you time to comment. Read you later.

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

How nice to hear from you. It is always to hear from you. My poem is how I truly feel. I have been delt a bad hand in my life. From day 1. I was born with a life long medical problem. i have been fighting it for over 40 yrs. now. I am just exahstead so.!! I have to add in my mental problems as well. All I have is my poetry. I do alll I can to comment on as many poems as I possibly can. Being in limbo with home and the hospital I don't have much time to do much of anything outside of trying to stay alive. I often ask myself 'why do I fight so hard to stay a live?" When I know my life won't get any better. I guess I just do. I try to do the best I can to comment on everyone's poems but it just isn't a logical reality. I can only comment on just so many at a time, but I do the best I can. I am sorry to have to tell you the truth about my poem, but it is so. It came from the deep depths of my soul. My depression isn't helping me any either. Thank you for caring and writing. Your comments are always welcome. Take care and I'll read you later my friend.

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

Thank you Shirley for you encouragement. I can use all I can get at this time in my life. I write only what is inside. It has to come out some how and poetry is all I know that helps me vent than, well you know. Thank you again!!!

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

I completely agree with Shirleys comment if you don't mind me butting in. I've sorted out problems with my computer so I can read more of the poems people have posted. A sad but powerful and bravely honest write here. Also you can PM me anytime you want. Its saddening to think of you going through so much. All I can say is hope comes from the strangest of places. Hidden in a poets soul is a great capacity for suffering, but they are also blessed with gifts absent from that of the rest of the world. A capacity to see beauty and hope and love where else it may not be found or seen, keep hold of that. ThanX for posting your poem. John

I appreciate your encouraging words to help me keep on keeping on. This poem came to me after I came out of the hospital. If I could return to yesterday the next day would only change to another never ending yesterdays. I can't win!! Thank you again for your encouraging words and your concern about my well being. Read you later.

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

Dearest Pixee,

First impressions are a sense of hoplessness compounded by the onslaught of a bitter depression. The top layer of this piece is a stark announcement to the reader of the anguish you fight on a daily basis. There seems to be a much darker undercurrent too. The depression we understand in your write and the blackness in which you find yourself, but then there is the punch. The blade, the cut, a deep cut and this write is telling us you are not just playing with this blade, you are ready to push it deep. Does the cut really offer you relief, or does it just dull the pain for a while. It feels like an addiction...the high is the depression, the lows are the cutting and what that really symbolises. There maybe another current under that one...one of confusion of losing your way and not really knowing what you do want...almost an inner madness eating you up.

There is an obvious question here - why are you trying so hard to retrieve yesterday, when clearly yesterday was no better than today. This write works like a loop and just keeps replaying. Today, trying to find yesterday, then tomorrow comes and you're still trying to find yesterday...and will never find it but you're caught in the loop of depression.

I love this write and although it has parts that could be tightened up, I am reluctant to suggest them at the risk of losing the rawness this write holds.

My favourite part is this:

.....I realize that it will
never come to pass, backwards I'm
wanting to retrieve the yesterday.
I realize that it will never come
to pass.

This really emphasises the endless circle you find yourself trapped in. Now if I was writing this with my lyrics head on...I would repeat that section throughout to really send home the loop of madness.

This loop of madness shows you can't break free and you really no longer know what you are seeking...as yesterday is just like today and tomorrow.

Awesome!

For me this is your best write so far...gripping, painful and totally sad.

regards,

HS

ps. I didn't like rusty day...that didn't quite feel strong enough as a representation of your day. Lots of alternatives you could use: bitter, savage, relentless...blah blah blah...

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

"ps. I didn't like rusty day...that didn't quite feel strong enough as a representation of your day. Lots of alternatives you could use: bitter, savage, relentless...blah blah blah..."

To the contrary, Dan, I think the words "Rusty Day" work perfectly in this poem, in the dark context of the "cutter" and the "blade".

THAT was the frightening bit for me.

Psyve

Psyve,

fair point...but I don't feel the blade is rusty...but as sharp as hell.

Rusty day just didn't work for me...but I do see where you're coming from.

What do you think about the stanza I pulled out to be repeated to make it a lyric...that would work wouldn't it?

You play, I'll sing the repeated part and Pixee does the verses and also the dance routine...because nobody wants to see you and me trying to dance in time!! Lol!

regards,

HS

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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

I thank you for pointing out those lines. They seem to strike at those who read and comment on my poem. I put my all into this one. My heart and soul are splitting apart piece by piece. I write only about the true me and the pains and challenges I go thru each and every day. It isn't easy to walk in my shoes, at least for me. I thank you for taking time out to comment on my poem. Read you later.

Friends,

Pixee

author comment

When I wrote this poem I was in a very low depression. The cutting does feel good...for a moment then I realize that I am right back where I was before I cut. I try to grab yesterday in hopes to change it. But I know it has come and gone. I see each day pass by me as fast as the speed of light. I guess I believe that yesterday will be easier to live in than start a new day. Yesterday has already happened there is no surprises. I do really appreciate your comment. It made me scratch my head and think. Your comment has given me another way to look at my poems. I have very much hidden away that needs to be released. I try writing instead of cutting. The two have different feelings apart from each other. I do want to say is thank you very much for taking the time to comment on my poem. If it were not for constructive criticism I would not know what I need to polish up on. Your comment has waken me up. I thank you again for your comment.

Friends Always,

Pixee

author comment

Not seen you around, hope you are doing better.

vexations

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