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A PARTING OF WAYS
I guess the good times always end
even after all our time together
I'd come to think of you as "friend"
dependable in stormy weather
From when we met so long ago
at a hunters' supply store
beneath flickering flourescent glow
we've hunted, fished and even more
You've been quiet comfort on my walks
through the forest, now for years
by never burdening me with balks
or "wait until the weather clears"
There've been no complaints about my pace
which has now become uneven, slow
without the slightest hint of grace
you've stayed with me even so
But lately you have lost your sole
intolerable for two old coots
so I guess I'll dig a hole
and put to rest my worn out boots
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
well I got the indents I wanted. Anybody know how to get rid of double spacing?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sat, 2011-04-16 11:19
hi Ian
surely you didn't think i was talking about a Person lmao. I even gave a hint of what was coming with "sole".Oh, the misery of being misunderstood. Always glad when you stop by.........scribbler
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-04-17 13:14
Hi Rosi
Glad you liked it. I'm going to figure out the spacing problem somehow lol...........stan
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-04-17 17:16
hello Ian
I have no problem with double space if i post with no indentation. And I can post with indentation but it comes out double spaced. the form i sought for this was the same I used with my rhyming work on old site. If one ignores the periods it should be thus :
I guess the good times always end
..even after all our time together
..I'd come to think of you as "friend"
..dependable in stormy weather
When I get to the point I can post my classic writes this way, I'll also be able to begin once more using form punctuation in my free verse attempts. No need go to trouble of deleting, but I intend to continue trying to post in manner intended until I figure outwhat I'm doing wrong. Thanks...............stan
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-04-17 17:17
hello Ian
I have no problem with double space if i post with no indentation. And I can post with indentation but it comes out double spaced. the form i sought for this was the same I used with my rhyming work on old site. If one ignores the periods it should be thus :
I guess the good times always end
..even after all our time together
..I'd come to think of you as "friend"
..dependable in stormy weather
When I get to the point I can post my classic writes this way, I'll also be able to begin once more using form punctuation in my free verse attempts. No need go to trouble of deleting, but I intend to continue trying to post in manner intended until I figure outwhat I'm doing wrong. Thanks...............stan
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2011-04-18 07:19
LLOOLL
HHEE GGOOTT MMEE...............stan
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sun, 2011-04-17 14:41
Stan
I thought at first you were writing about a dog. to my surprise it was boots. I don't know, but as I read this it seem a little lazy in it's tone. your usaully more colorful in your dicktion. Maybe that's what you were going for somber.
If so, then you achieved it
Good job
Eddie C
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
scribbler
Sun, 2011-04-17 17:22
hello
I threw this together mainly to test if I could get it to post right (with a small side of humor). I guess I've messed up by getting people where they expect better from me lol. Also wanted to do a write where syllable count was close to correct on purpose for a change. Oh well, "watch this space" as I hope to do better...............stan
author commentintrovert
Tue, 2011-04-19 03:15
Stan
On my first read I thought you were reffering to a person...lol but then i got it. Smart poem.
Introvert
scribbler
Tue, 2011-04-19 07:09
hello intro
Always good to see a new face. I tried to make it seem as you read it, only giving a small hint toward the end (sole) that I was mourning worn out boots. Thank you for taking time to read and comment.................stan
author commentraj
Tue, 2011-04-19 15:06
Dear Stan
a good ovation to the worn out shoes....this write shows your sensitivities ...
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Tue, 2011-04-19 16:19
hi raj
a soleful goodbye I guess lol...............stan
author comment