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Fine Line (eddy styx)

Fine Line

lolling head
eyes glazing
droning chant
volume growing
unholy issuance
of sounds inhuman
crazy twisting
tortured tongue...
face contorting
body seizing
spasms rolling...
gibberish ranting
lost in moaning
trance inducing
spirit vision
mind inviting
channel seeking...
thrill of
spiritual possession
ritualistically obsessed...
gyrating
rhythmic writhing
erotically obscene...
fouled and felonious
practitioner
of Satan...
damned to Hell's eternal flame?
nay...
practitioner child
of Pentecost!

(the moral of this poem is: don't be so quick to judge, LOL!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
This poem is for the "Book of Styx II"
Editing stage: 

Comments

the title, language use is great, and the rhythm, pacing is excellent!
The theme is good, and I think this will make a fine addition to the Book of Styx II.
Great stuff! As always, you held my attention to the last, and the only suggestions I have, are to;
delete the word [spiritual], and use [ritual obsession] instead of [ritualistically obsessed]. Always, ~ Gee

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I'll keep that in mind. Glad you liked it!

always, eddy (and Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

I'm so glad you like this one and that you found the link! The second installment is waiting on my editor (Steve) to go through it when he has the time. I may ask for him to take a vacation day from work to work on the book.

love, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

For my sake, make a few miatakes, give me something to help you improve LMAO !!

with great admiration Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

I make plenty of mistakes, it is just that I go through them quite a bit before I post them. You should see them before I work on them! Thanks for the thumbs up!

always, eddy (& Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

LOL! Thanks for the continued support that keeps me writing!

always, eddy (& cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Thanks dear Rosi, I appreciate that you read my works! Thanks for being you.

love, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Ya got me lol. Speaking in tongues LOL.............stan

Glad to see you!

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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