Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
End of a performance
A smile, a gentle kiss
your touch sending shivers
that I have missed
sounds of spring in the air
which you create with your
soft spoken words
how easily I fall in love
these are the weapons
you use
to take me for a fool
but baby, this time you have
lost
the anger has risen
no longer am I blind and deaf
to your succumbing snars
dance your dance
for some one else,
the curtain has gone down
on your pathetic show
Hunker down behind the lines
Your ammunition is depleted
The acrid gas of your last breath
Filtered by the mask of my indifference
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
this was just in my head, really nothing to do with me or any real person. as you all know I'm madly in love with my Jonette.
if you want to add verse or change things please do this is just an excise.
have fun with it!
I want to see how it grows, with your help.as many as want to join in no problem.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem
Favorite Poets
P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 08:26
shirley
or rather use or feeling to manipulate us.
Thanks little witch
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:00
both wrong
succumbing snares
but excellent line!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:07
Wow!
Nice to see you Jess., and thanks!
so what do you think of where this can go!
Give me your input
Eddie C.
jeez you look like a vampire in that picture.
I couldn't help it, I had to say it.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 08:58
Oh yes
I do have run away fingers, Dame-it Hahaha!
take it where ever you want to. it's just an experiment. go for it. i wrote this just to see where poets would go with it. when it's done it could be never, we'll see how the poets minds work.
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:04
I like this Eduardo.
The start is really fresh and engaging, the end, with the theatre metaphor is a tad over-used. It feels like 2 poems. I would drop the theatre metaphor and continue with the arsenal one, but that would mean and entire re-write of the last 2 stanzas, are you up for it?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:10
hell yeah
that's what i'm talking about, throw some idea's this way. this os exactly why bI wrote it, to get input.
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:23
I just threw an idea your way
am not going to tell you how to do it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:33
Jess
This is not about me doing this is about seeing how another person sees where this write is going. yes I have a bunch of idea's but that's not why I wrote it
it's an experiment to look into other wrters mind. you know that is how hemmingway got some of his stories. I thought that was one of his brillant ideas
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:38
Story telling
he use to sit hours in the cafe's and listen to none writers tell their stories, but you know that.I don't think that to all people I had to tell you, I don't mean that offensively
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:47
see below
see below
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:50
see what below?
see what below?
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:07
oh, by the way
just read
"Hemingway, I love his political stands and his beautiful told stories especialy those he wrote in spain, but he was still a pig."in your profile [chuckles] so true!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:20
CHEAT!
you clearly googled this.
Whatever, who would deny that the weirdelf is mad, bad and dangerous to know? And please note I did not include the rest of the quote "That beautiful pale face is my fate". I have not that vanity or hubris, although some women seemed to have that delusion.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:24
Hahaha!
well it is what it is
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:26
A cheat
was another of his many trates, the gentleman in question
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:28
he's a real love/hate bastard, eh!
I speak in the present tense because his genius lives no matter what he can be despised for.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:40
Jess
We're in agreement onthat point>
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:36
sorry to call you a cheat
I applaud you for looking it up. So many don't bother.
Don't understand "not all woman think that Jess some of them are brought up and made to believe otherwise ". I just meant that my pale face didn't decide women's face unless they were deluded, and that wasn't very many women! Mostly they just loved me because I am so fucking fantastic, and humble.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:18
yes
there is one story that he is trying to get the girl to have an abortion. people think he's trying to help they can't see that he is thinking of himself. in those days an abortion was a metal heated rod, so please can someone tell me how that can be help. I don't stand either way on abortion because I don't have the equipment. It's a woman choice, an way the man was a great writer, but also a pig, at so many levels
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:22
actually, no
So is Jayne's explanation correct
EC.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 09:50
OK! Here's my take on it
A smile, a gentle kiss
your touch sending shivers
that I have missed
sounds of spring in the air
which you create with your
soft spoken words
how easily I fall in love
these are the weapons
you use
to take me for a fool
but baby, this time you have
lost
the anger has risen
no longer am I blind and deaf
to your succumbing snares
send out a sorty
for some one else,
the final front approaches
outflanked your
defenses no longer work
they have been pre-empted,
struck.
the field reports indicate
a rout.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geezer
Tue, 2011-04-12 12:34
I am enamored...
of the war-like content, and would like to add my two-cents.
Hunker down behind the lines
Your ammunition is depleted
The acrid gas of your last breath
Filtered by the mask of my indifference
Great way to get us all involved, ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 18:16
G.
I used your finish, It was for me in the right vein
thanks
still and open process, I'm looking for more interaction with other poets.
We shal see?
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-12 13:31
Way to go Eduardo!
Great add, geezer,
this is shaping up to be freeform workshop. But I support you to retain it as your own poem so that it has a single shaping force. Heed the cliches
"Take what you like and leave the rest" and
"don't throw the baby out with the bathwater"
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-12 18:20
Jess
your finish was interresting but geezer hit it on the noise. it's great to see how other poet view or rather their prospected of a write. I'd like to see other people involved.
great stuff.
EC
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author comment