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Through grandpa's pasture plans were made
to build steel giants through the glade
and string upon them power lines
where to this day the wind still whines

For each tower were dug four holes
twenty feet deep for each leg's poles
and in each a twenty foot ground rod
ending forty feet below the sod

Next came the erection crews
with their wrenches, bolts and tools
a hundred foot tower every other day
they'd bolt them then be on their way

Soon the high linemen were seen
far above the pasture's green
swinging about like acrobats
with safety harness and hard hats

I visited grandma one hot day
tired and sweaty from hauling hay
before the line men's work was through
and they were still working in plain view

From her porch on the shady side
onto which a chair I hied
she was automatically shelling peas
watching the work through pecan trees

She said she'd been on the porch all day
watching those men swing the hours away
sitting there with anxious breath
half expecting a plummeting death

Then she laughed like old folk do
and white hair ran her fingers through
content at having spent her day
watching acrobatic workers sway

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I felt that it was me in the chair, very discriptive. it was a pleasure to read.

in this stanza I felt like you were building an Arc. Hahaha!
"For each tower were dug four holes
twenty feet deep for each leg's poles
and in each a twenty foot ground rod

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

LOL. these arcs would hardly float. I still think about her sitting on that porch fully expecting someone to fall............stan

author comment

And all in the name of progress.

I think this is a lovely rhymed tale of changing times and how those changes affect different people.
This piece has fairly good flow but could be improved with consistent syllable counts and meter. As it stands, it is slightly choppy but this is fairly to easy to smooth.

For example:

"For each tower were dug four holes
twenty feet deep for each leg's poles
and in each a twenty foot ground rod
ending forty feet below the sod"

May be smoothed as:

Each tower needed four deep holes
at twenty feet for all four poles.
In each, a twenty foot ground rod
set forty feet below the sod.

Just a thought. All in all, I think this is a great tale to tell and is told in wonderfully rhymed couplets all the way through. I am so partial to good rhyme. I enjoyed this very much. ~Pamela

.. .

~"It's ALL about the Poetry~

Please join us in The Shark Pool

I guess I too often concentrate on the tale and rhyme instead of syllable count. Then I go back (especially when it's pointed out lol) later and the edit smooths out a bit as far as count goes. Thank you for the visit and suggestion which will be taken under consideration in eventual edit(s). I hardly ever consider a poem "finished" as is evidenced by the numerous edits I do each week on even my oldest works. Thank you again..........scribbler

author comment

Just my thoughts ...

I hear you loud and clear on the editing. I go back so many times, read a piece that I remember being really really good - ahem - and find all kinds of things to change to improve its flow, sound, meaning.

I guess a poem never is finished -

I am pleased you reviewed my suggestion.
I look forward to some of yours as well on my work as I am here to learn and grow.

~Pamela

.

.. .

~"It's ALL about the Poetry~

Please join us in The Shark Pool

perhaps I should have said CONSTRUCTION crews lol. Wish those old folks were still around to drink tea with instead of having become one of them myself. glad to have you drop by...........stan

author comment
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