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Dreams On the wayside

looking down at empty hands
void and unfulfilled
hopes and dreams lost
to abandoned thoughts

eyes turn up toward the sky
a scream of anguish is hurdled
as angels look down
and wonder why

a sound of thunder is heard
not the answer expected
for the question
which was applied

a sudden stab
as if a heart attack
while pain strums on strings
of a battered heart

another loss, there is no wayside
where you can fall
a yoke is carried like a torch
and time is vast like space

empty and unfulfilled
these hands
which once held dreams
so tight

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Still working on title, suggestions please?
Editing stage: 

Comments

A poem of pain and loss which touches the heart. I'm not sure about the title, as it doesn't quite reflect the poem. Maybe something like: Disquieting Dreams? The subject matter is good and the poem holds the readers interest until the ending. Suggestion: I think the word unforfilled should be unfulfilled. favorite lines:

another loss, there is no wayside
where you can fall
a yoke is carried like a torch
and time is vast like space

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

thanks bud I corrected the error
yes i did have trouble with the title.
I wait and see what might turn up.
thanks sweetie!
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Thank you so much!
Yes I need a better title, I try a new one.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

thank you Sweetie, nice of you to come back but you do keep your word. that mean a lot to me.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

You crazy women!
you are a night owl like the rest of us!
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Thanks for the suggestion on the title, and the heart felt comment
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

hello again , interesting write, I like this stanza

another loss, there is no wayside
where you can fall
a yoke is carried like a torch
and time is vast like space"

"hope and dreams lost
to abandoned thoughts................I was thinking hopes and dreams,
good to read you have a good weekend ,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

I do that a lot. I read my poem, but I don't see the words.
thanks Bud!
enjoy your weekend too.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

yes we all do that I do the same lol
its hard to crit your own work as we do
read and hear it right in our head but
sometimes differ on the page,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

LMAO the things we do, with out seeing!
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

This poem hits me hard this morning and I will return to it. Please check the word hurled and my only thought to a title here is Battered Dream or Broken Dream

Just a thought or two

Love Mona

Yes to many "R" and not enough "L" thank you.
I'm good with the title
see you Later?
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I thought you asked about suggest to title you leave as is and it is good honey

Blessings
Mona

It's ok, you came after the fact . I do appreciate your attempt.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Little witch I read yours and I was stunned by it, talk about strong.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

For the eagle eye, also for the read,.
nice to see you on my page
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

empty and unfulfilled
these hands
which once held dreams
so tight

The last part just grabs me, and I must admit, I've always been a sucker for the feel of romantic regret in writing. It's not everyone that can convey that with enough intensity; almost a serene sense of sorrow, and I applaud that you can.

Well done, and never stop writing

Yours

Waldo

I thank you for that< i only recently relized that this was my nich.
thanks for noticing
again happy you came to my page and left a comment your getting better at it. Hahaha!
Eddie C.
wow my grandson calls me dude. LMAO!!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I think it might be a South African thing. Well, it's that; or bru. Not that I'm a nationalist, or conformist...
Or any kind of bloody "ist", of course:) Hehehe!

Yours

Waldo

go have your lunch dude. LMAO
Eddie C>

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

a bit late on arrival . Too often that which we long to keep closest slips from our over tight grasp. A well thought out poem which had such smooth flow I kept looking for rhyme. I saw a few spots that I might have done something different but it would not have been an improvement only different.................stan PS avoid viewing yourself as a niche writer as you might limit yourself

My good friend, thank for the compliment on the poem it means a lot to me.
As far a niche, I have to say it's true I've worked on different styles, and so far this is the one I feel the most comfortable in, well let me say that I real love dark poetry.So niche yeah this is it. but I do understand what your saying. My Dad may he rest in peace always said "do what your best at, till you can't do it any more"
thanks again Stan
Eddie
PS I'd like to see your changes anyway< if you don't mind?.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I have found that stretching outside my usual stuff actually helps my favorite types of writing. Short on time at moment , will post suggestions this evening.............stan

no problem when you can'
E.C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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