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SQUALL LINE STORM

Far thunder
at mountains' base and lake's source
accompanied by a rush of ripples
here at the dam
miles distant

All but die hard boats scurry
toward safe marinas and the shore
water becomes more nervous
as gathering storm approaches

Now the first strobe comes in sight
and evening sun surrenders
to purple clouds
in fear
nervous wavelets break down
to white topped swells
as interval between flash and rumble
decreases

Anticipation ends
for now the storm arrives
in full fury
thunder and lightning continuous
as an artillery barrage
deafening.... blinding

Waves turned breakers
march toward the rip-rapped bank
ending their assault
in crashes of spray

The border between rain and lake
blurs
as water drops from the sky
like a waterfall
The wet trees and broom sedge
bow and twist to the gale
turning every way but up
as the squall passes over head

Then

more quickly than arrival
departure
just as the orange orb
ducks from beneath retreating clouds
and touches distant trees

Like a switch and faucet closed
no wind
no rain
no waves
just thunder's rumble fading
like a herd departing

Now the world is clean washed
in sharper focus
as the lake stills to a mirror
with dual suns and shores
exhaling breaths of fog
into the evening

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

you are quickly becoming one of my favorite writer on this site. such excellent composition of free verse :) one typo stood out to me "waterfall" is one word i believe and if you really want to edit this even more, i suggest taking out some of the extra "water" it got to a point where it became a bit repetitive..i think if you were to take out some of the redundancy it might improve the language of the piece and it might not drawl so much..but that's minor since it's good right now.

I am always astonished when any of my semi-rare free verse writes receive praise. thank you for that, spotting typo and pointing out repetition. I always try to avoid over use of any one word in a poem(except on rare times when it's intentional) but don't always realize when I've done so. Thanks for coming by and I will edit soon.............scribbler

author comment

if not a gem, maybe well polished coal I hope. Always good to have you visit..............stan

author comment

gotta get back to work now, but will make changes soon.thanks................stan

author comment

No need accusing me of being part of "establishment" lol. thank you for your kind comment...............stan

author comment

For someone who isn't comfortable with free verse, you sure nail it when you write it.
This is excellent.
Read it aloud to yourself; there are one or two very minor hesitancies in the cadence, but well done, this is very good.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Jayne suggested the same thing. I will read it aloud AGAIN lol and see if I can find stumbles. Thanks for the read and kind comment................stan

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