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My Teachers

Step by step,

I walk heedfully

across the patchy lawn

muddy here

barren there

unkept, unattended.

Pleading blades of grass

with drops of hope reflecting

morning’s sunlight

become my teachers

as they reach out

to grow.

Fresh spring spouts

extol me

to find a place

where barefoot soles

gather joy

with each flex of toe

into the ground.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I’m most unsure of my title. Help!
Editing stage: 

Comments

very nice I can feel the morning dew on the souls of my feet. very nice work

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

I am toying with the title “Lessons."

vexations

author comment

finding our place in this ever changing universe, can be as simple as returning to its start.
the pleasure of the earth with the seasons rebirth in spring

Title; rebirh of a soul
(Its just what I got from this)

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I’ll give your suggestion consideration. Recent idea is the title “Lessons."

vexations

author comment

I do believe your title needs a bit more spark, but for me I have the damnedest time with them. Other than that, this is quite well done its a journey through life, showing trials and tribulations without outing them. A very good read.

♥ Melissa

Lessons seem like one option. Or lessons beneath my toes? What do you think?

vexations

author comment

Perhaps the title needs work but I like Melissa can never think of anything on the spur of the moment and sometimes we never do lol..I do like the path you can see as you show us the trials through this. Nice job.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

I appreciate that you took the time to read this poem. See comments above for my current thinking.

vexations

author comment

I like the title, I'm not you sure why you think it inadequate. But then, I'm often at a loss, when naming my own work!
The theme is excellent, the idea of something as simple a dewed grass becoming one's teacher appeals to me a great deal. The implications of such teaching are very deep and far-reaching to me.
The beginning was OK, I'm not sure about "mindlessly", since the rest of the poem just belies the idea that the author even COULD be mindless.
The ending?

where barefoot soles

gather joy

with each flex of toe

into the ground.

Pure magic.

An excellent write, well done.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I agree now that I look back at the poem that mindlessly is not what logically consistent. Currently thinking of heedfully. Do you think that is a better depiction of the scene?

vexations

author comment

It gives the beginning a sense of expectancy that I like.
I was also leaning towards "thoughtlessly", since it conveys to me the same sense of being unaware as "mindlessly", but without the implication of true stupidity, but rather ignorance instead, if that makes any sense?

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I’m interested in toe-hold, going to think about it some more.

vexations

author comment

I am new to your list of readers. I saw your name on several of the other poets whom I frequent and grew curious as to your work. I am so glad I came to quietly read. This piece is marvelous and took me on a peacefully journey. I like all of it but especially these lines:

Pleading blades of grass

with drops of hope reflecting

morning’s sunlight

become my teachers

as they reach out

to grow.

Nature has many lessons to teach to the respectful student. Thanks for the read!

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I appreciate your comment. I’m glad you liked this poem. It was written to try to empathize with a friend of mine who was going through a bad time.

vexations

author comment

I think earth would work. Will consider it. May change the title to Lessons . . .

vexations

author comment

Teaching to find joy in the feel of earth between toes.Really enjoyable read. Have only one change you might consider :
L-7 change pleading to struggling.............not sure why lol...............scribbler

appreciate your suggestion. You have me thinking that pleading doesn’t fit and I don’t think struggling is what I intend either.

vexations

author comment

thanks for stopping by and reading this poem.

vexations

author comment
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