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The Comet ride

I have ridden on a hell bent comet
Its fire plumes burning the bridges
I left behind,

The asteroids, which followed behind
Had the names of Gods bringing the karma
Of things not so kind

A star of redemption came out of the sky
Shining bright with a truth, my icy cold eyes
Could not recognize

A path laid with lies
Would not be easily rectified
With truth and light

Star of the icy cold
Can you burn away all I know
which was forged upon the burning coals

My inner fire increased much higher
than the stars'
Taking it to the degree of supernova

In hindsight I felt I did not deserve
the truth and light, so I sabotaged myself
Continuing on my destructive flight

Not knowing where to disembark
I closed my eyes taking the leap of faith
How cliché, but there was no other way

Pushing away from the star
knowing we would destroy ourselves
Like a horrific wreak
Between two opposite traveling cars

I found myself distant and filled with strife
For the need of the bright shinning star
It was I who began to lose the flame of life

Suddenly I realized I was but a speck
An insignificant half of nothing
Which needed the half of something

A half that would be the full circle
Of my Ying and Yang
the core strength of my qigong

The reckless course I was on quickly changed
to my cold heart the flame of life
Did return

Now here I stand naked with my truths exposed
Before all the world to see
Who I could truly be

Funny,
But it was loves comet
That finally set me free

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I think it is enough of the self searching of truth for the love inside of me. it's time to return to the dark poetry I truly love.
Editing stage: 

Comments

and your poem touched me. One nitpick, drop “very” in line 7.

vexations

I'm glad I could touch your senses.
Made the change thanks for the read
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I have to come back to this again, but I was pulled through. You had me riding the comment with you.

♥ Melissa

not easy to get off huh?
but our inner truth, demands it.
I am happy that you were captured with the words, and for that I thank you!
sometimes it's not easy to convey real feelings. When someone gets it, that is where the reward is.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I love this comet ride and the inner truths you are penning in this long write, I so enjoy the longer ones as it shows someone thinking enough about one theme and then weaving it carefully. Nice job.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

I thank you for your fine comment, and your generousity of words
thanks for stopping by to read!
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

The metaphor that you use here is very well used. Some might say over-used.
Having said that, you have done it justice. The journey from your emotional past to present that you take us on is excellent. There are some extra words that you should imo cut out, but I leave it to you to decide which ones they are. Suffice to say that there are some words here that are far to passive for such an active write.
The imagery you evoke is extremely good, imo, as is the strong emotion your words elicit in me, and I feel that with another hard edit to strip away the extras, this will be even better than it already is.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Now that's how and opinion is given, I do appreciate your cantor.
please if you ever have a suggestion feel free to voice it, any help is always welcomed it is a workshop.
thank you very much!
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Since when do you have to ask permission, to edit my work. you are an old friend that has helped before, which in fact by your own words has help me improve on my work. girl you know you have a free hand, go for it.
Silly You Hahaha!,
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Again I thank you for your read, as always I am taken aback by your comments
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

thanks twice. for the comment and the info that I always find interesting
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

we'll see where it stans now, please let me know if it still needs more work.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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