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I Love Your Face
I love your face
When you smile
I feel life in my bones
When you gaze into the night
I wonder about the universe
How big it is
How small we are
When a tear runs down your cheek
My heart aches a deep ache
When I touch your satin skin with my finger tips
All of my worries melt away
I love your face
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
magics02
Sun, 2011-04-03 14:03
You
Lover of words and portraits..You hobo where you been lately. I watched the utube and liked it but I like you better a master writer of words and feelings to parchment here.
Welcome back
Blessings friend
Mona Mia
hobo
Sun, 2011-04-03 14:22
Mona Mia
Mona Mia it is so good to be back. I have been gone forever it seems. thank you for your very kind words they mean everything to me
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
vexations10
Sun, 2011-04-03 18:57
Faces are so enlightening
so captivating and you paint the picture well. Just a couple of nitpicks, one, I would drop the second line (doesn’t really add and to general, two, find other words for it in the last two verses. Perhaps you might use “your cheek” and “your skin” or satin skin, although I am not a fan of adjectives. Some lucky female will be happy to read this I am sure.
vexations
hobo
Sun, 2011-04-03 19:17
Thank you so much
Thank you so much for your help
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
hobo
Mon, 2011-04-04 09:54
thank you
thank you my friend, I am glad you like it
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
hobo
Mon, 2011-04-04 09:55
thank you
Thank you my friend, from the heart is always a good place to come from. I am glad you like it
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
hobo
Mon, 2011-04-04 10:16
lol my friend
lol my friend, I am not pulling your leg. I am in love and am always looking to fall in love hahaha. I think everyone should be this way. love is a wonderful thing. I am glad you like this
Thanks
Randy
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
lou
Mon, 2011-04-04 10:28
Randy
So glad that you are back to bring some much needed romance into our lives.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
hobo
Mon, 2011-04-04 10:30
lol thank you
lol thank you my friend, it is so good to be back
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
introvert
Mon, 2011-04-11 08:52
You always make me fall
You always make me fall inlove with your work and once again you have done it.....simple, straight forward but still good.
hobo
Mon, 2011-04-11 11:39
lol thank you
lol I am so glad I can make you fall in love even if it is only with my work hahaha. kind words, thank you
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down