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Meat (Re-written)

Meat

He expects her not to feel, 
believes that she is simply humanoid.
Shock fills his eyes, 
When reality emerges from his dilusion.

She is the sum of childhood vulnerabilities
an amalgamation of experiences.
Has the ability to love unconditionally,
even has a brain.

He is able to separate heart from his groin 
In the pursuit of an erection.
Disengage intellect and feeling,
To receive satisfaction.

She must disabuse him of his misunderstanding,
relieve him of the confusion.
She is more than muscle, bone, and meat,
for his delectation.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the title not sure about the poem.

Thank you for reading.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Lou this is really good and kind of like I feel right about now with pain of body

this part standing out for me here:

Let me disabuse you of your misunderstanding,
relieve your confusion.
I’m not a piece of meat.

I like the choice of words..Let me disabuse you of your misunderstandings. etc

Great write nothing to correct or crit. Just good work here

I am glad you did not say Meatballs LMAO

Regards
Mona
xox

Thank you no balls I'm a girl lmao

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Thanks,

I've taken a look at the last line, what do you think?

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

This is a very hard stand. nice work

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

a strong write here, what brought these thoughts
to the page, interesting write ,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

This one was inspired by a boy friend's attitude. Makes me feel like I shouldn't have feelings.

Glad you enjoyed it.

Louise Xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

It never ceases to amaze me, that even in the 21st centruy our species is still filled with idiots who think other souls are nothing more than playthings and tools.
This is a good write, powerful and filled with a certain dignity that I really like a lot. I enjoy the way you have encapulated the whole thing in one single breath, and then seem to begin another for the last verse, that's quite unique, To me.
I agree with Jayne; I like what you've done with the last stanza, but using "I am" instead of the contraction would give it way more impact.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

thank you for reading and your suggestion, I have made a few changes, I think it works a little better now.

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

you have captured the essence of how it must feel to be considered a mere sex object...................stan

Stan i'm really glad that you think so.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

I could tell it was a cathartic write! Liked the layout and how you've juxtaposed the different HE/SHE verses for effect. Unlike Mona, I didn't particularly like the choice of the word 'disabuse'
Just seemed too contrived and therein lost some of the strength of the message!
As for the rest... Keep 'em coming!
Cheers
Boni

Bonitaj

I have never been comfortable with the word disabuse,i will give it some thought.

Thank you

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Thank you for the read, as I said to Boni, I'll give it some thought

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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