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Sleepless in Schenectady...

Late night, weird radio-shows
Talk about God, ghosts and UFO's
She spoke to aliens, what did they say?
Ya think they're coming back someday?

Talk about secret you-know-what's
Crop-circles, Bigfoot and Commie plots
The parade of fools goes on and on
There's the face of Jesus on a won-ton

Mysterious men dressed in black suits
Little green men, they're so cute
The city of Atlantis, he knows just where
Told to him by a sage with white hair

He came to him in a dream last night
He told the man he had second-sight
Another caller has been to Middle-Earth
I can hardly contain my mirth

So bring on the monsters and the ghosties galore
The hauntings and sightings and so much more
Mysteries revealed to a chosen few
Under the sun, there must be something new

I listen to all this nonsense and drivel
Tell me they're crazy, I won't quibble
But it's still entertainment, when I can't sleep
And it's so much better than counting sheep!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
There, I think I got most of them. If I missed any errant commas, please let me know. ~ Geezer
Editing stage: 

Comments

that would be something new, under the sun! LOL. Thanks Shirley. Love ya, ~ Gee

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lol! this is a fun read :) i don't get to read rhymes that much so i don't have any legit critiques to give. i did notice that the last two stanzas have longer lines than the others..and the syllable count there did break the flow a bit..but i'm not picky since you're not writing a form.

Glad you enjoyed, ~ Geezer

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Gee ,

i like the title, in fact i love the whole poem.

Come chat on MSN, i miss ya .

Love Lou (Grasshopper)

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

that I could entertain you. i miss you too, will see you soon.~ Love from Yoda, ~ Gee

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I found myself going from scanning it to finding myself reading it and smiling. LOVED IT!

that I could get you to go from scanning it, to actually reading and enjoying it! That is my goal, to have people reading and enjoying my work. Thanks for the read, and comment! ~ Gee

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that so that I could see and hear that song. I liked it, and yes, it does remind me of my poem. Glad you liked my poem, and good to see you back. I haven't seen much of your recent work. I have been working more than I want to, but as soon as I catch up with everything, I will defintely read as much of your works as I can.
~ Gee

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the following site. [email protected] it covers everything! The only way that I can count sheep, is to imagine the wolf chasing them, with bloody slobbering jaws! Heh,heh,heh. Thanks, ~ Gee

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Hi there :) I adore the comedic elements of this piece, i am not usually a fan of Rhyme but in this case, i had fun reading. Thank you for that. There are just a few minor quibbles that i feel would make a huge difference:

Late night, weird, radio-shows < The comma after weird. Was it intentional? I am a little confused by it and would love to know if you put it there in order to separate or if it is supposed to read as
''Late night, weird radio-shows'' ?
Talk about God, ghosts and UFO's
She spoke to aliens(;) what did they say? in the brackets, probably just down to preference but would a comma here maybe sit better?
Ya think, they're coming back someday? Ya* i find this to be amusing, i like it though i am a stickler for good grammar (again, down to preference)

Talk about secret you-know-(whats) < ''what's''
Crop-circles, Bigfoot, and Commie plots < there is no need for a comma after Bigfoot as 'and' comes next
The parade of fools, goes on and on < again, no comma needed after fools
There's the face of Jesus, on a won-ton < another comma

Mysterious men, dressed in black suits
Little green men, they're so cute
The city of Atlantis, he knows just where
Told to him, by a sage with white hair < comma probably not needed here either

He came to him, in a dream last night < and again
He told the man, he had second-sight< i am beginning to think you like commas ;)
Another caller has been to Middle-Earth
I can hardly contain my mirth

So bring on the monsters, and the ghosties galore < comma after 'monsters' should be removed also
The hauntings and sightings, and so much more < **same here
Mysteries, revealed to a chosen few< and here
Under the sun, there must be something new< and again

I listen to all this nonsense and drivel
Tell me they're crazy, I won't quibble
But, it's still entertainment, when I can't sleep< not needed after 'but'
And it's so much better than counting sheep!

I hope this was helpful and i do hope you know that i only mean to offer advice/critique in a constructive way.
I enjoyed this piece and believe that once those little hitches are fixed, it will be perfect ;)

caught your interest. I made some adjustments. Thanks for the read and commas, [I mean comments!] LOL ~ Geezer

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Much easier on the eyes.

This can be read smoothly now and the commas do not interrupt the fun/easy flow of the piece.
Well paced and structured in my opinion.

Enjoyable indeed!

I am a big fan of rhyme. I guess that is because I love having a real cadance and rhythm. Thank you for the constructive criticism. It helped a lot! ~ Gee

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Had to come back to this..

And again, i smile!

Thank you :)

...

Is that really you? I love your ink. ~ Gee

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yes, it's me and thank you :)

I agree, this is very good and very funny. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Actually, I'm not sure that it is irritation. Something akin to it I suppose. LOL
I do love to think about what makes people tick. It was a fun write. ~ Gee

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This is something that kinda just sprang out one sleepless night. After working night-shift for over thirty years, it is very difficult to sleep at night. I sleep for about an hour and a half, then wake up, stay awake for about a half hour, then sleep for another 1 1/2, etc. i listen to late-night radio, mostly classical music and the Coast to Coast radio show. It makes for some interesting listening, even if weird. ~ Gee

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You're a funny Savanah Beach, this was great. you pulled it off so well, talk about something so well metered,
Good stuff Gee
LMFAO!
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

As I've said; I love rhyme and meter. I am so pleased that this was well recieved, because I felt that the meter was very good. Of course having a subject that is fun and personal helped. Glad to make you laugh, and I hope that if you are sleepless some night, that you will listen to my favorite late-night show, Coast to Coast. I think it is only on AM radio, but I'm sure that you will find a station close enough to make it easy listening. ~ Gee

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