I like the subject matter, but I feel repeating, ' crunch, clop, crunch , clop,' between each line, takes away from the rest of the poem.

Love Lou xx

Stan,

I've rewritten a little , hope you don't mind, I feel this version expresses the rhythm you are looking for, without being too literal , you may be able to think of some other words that express the rhythm in an even more effective way. Ie. Away rhyming that expresses the beat of his feet.

Love Lou

Shuffle between the silver rails
Where engines run on turbine sails
 pick them boots and slap 'em down

Miles and miles from nearest town
Legs swinging with a steady beat
In a pleasant spring day's heat

No idea where you're bound
through each Godforsaken town
Slug a bottle, drink it down

Dreaming about  the ones I've left behind
Bugged out on my family
When things got too real for me

Pound that track there and back
Every time I pass a bridge, 
I fight the urge to take flight

Guess I'll die one night of cold
I hope before I grow too old
Till then there's the rhythm
 of my boots against tat track 

Scuffing the dust beneath my feet
.

I still believe it reads better without the crunch clops, maybe you could repeat a refrain but say something like ' pounding the rails,' or shuffling the dust under his feet,' maybe you could use two lines and alternate them.

There's no need to list it as a co-write ( although I am flattered) , i have only given a few suggestions, you have done all the work.

much love lou