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"BONES BRITTLE"

This poem is not about myself!!!!

"BONES BRITTLE"
Margaret Ann Waddicor March 23rd 2011.

Bones brittle, the mettle of old age is weak,
and sleeps in cushioned sinews strained,
the bearded feathered strands of hairs
from places yet unknown, sprout,

the cheeks and breasts hang limpid down
and wrinkles show the bends,
filling to burst with the fluids drained
from here to there by stretching limbs
that crack and groan in painful grey disdain.

Old age can hit when least aware
its dreaded fingers strangle hopes and dreams,
as slow but sure the weight of doing any little thing
is strained, a task made hard.

The functions stop their joyful beat,
the body lapses drunken, sunken eye sockets weep,
and eyes loose all their pristine shine,
we dine on offal taste buds gone.

The light is dim and full of whims of ghostly thoughts,
our life's report is dour and all becomes
a sour memory of youth.

Of sudden fads and fancies carried out
as if they were devout, the fashions bending,
sending us their impulses their brains,
and we follow as we must, this colours in, this out.

And yet when old, its all a fuss and we do as we wish,
that good old jacket knitted long ago,
the skirt that's almost holey, one we know so well,
we stay alive and stare through days of boredom dark,
and in the end can't even hear the crow. (had lark)

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
I put myself in others shoes. It may not be right yet Stan, but I needed the rhythm of the 'sensed' (disdain) that I removed? Suggestions?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is sad insight to many of our futures, many old people take so much pain with dignity. They deserve better treatment than some which is given, when i hear people talk about tax and spending i get angry. We forget that some of these people have paid more than money for us. the hardships faced without the comforts of today. A beautiful sad poem well written. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

that it couldn't be about my beautiful queen! With two sisters in the field of geriatrics, as an N.A. and a R.N. and having worked in nursing homes myself, I have seen first-hand the ravages of old-age. You have captured the dcline of youth most effectively. Very well done, ~ your knight, Sir Gee

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I tried to put myself in their shoes, although I almost felt like them yesterday on the steep hill up to here, I went out to the part where hidden under the snow was the sheer ice, the children had sledged there, and I fell and slid several metres-in a skirt!!!!( I don't follow fashions) My posterior did well but my knees didn't like the blow and will be sunset colours soon bother I didn't know I was OLD. Damn it, I don't feel it, but then the body sometimes cannot follow the spirit.

Thank you both for your nice comments. Ann of N.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

I felt it yesterday as I did a Rump slide on the sheer ice where children had sledged, silly old bat!!! In my skirt I slid several metres, then digging my hob-nailed boots in I stopped, phew; only to get to the path again and discover that my expensive glasses were in the middle where I stopped!!

Crisis, In the end I stole the rake from the shed and Erik came too armed with rods and tape and string we looked down the sheer ice slope, then I tried to measure the distance with the rake, and inadvertantly(my word) slipped my hold, it travelled down the ice collected my glasses on the way and stopped further down where it was a little more level. Fate or what?

I returned the rake to its hook, no one knew it had gone.
Don't go into odd places with glasses on. They are ones that go dark in the bright snow.

Well I have got bitten twice for thinking I was still a child. We never learn. I have got spikes on my shoes though.

Thank you Mean Bee and Jayne, just keep walking and eating healthily and you will live a long time, I shall. Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

I know this is a very reflective write as you have the compassion to put your words and soul into anothers here... I would like to come back to do suggests on feedback with spag...

Blessings lovely woman you are
Mona
xox

I made my point of being old what ? I repeated the story of my fall !!!!!!

Takk Mona, but I don't know what a spag is, spaghetti?
Do do whatever you like with this poem if you feel like it.

Love to all from Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

means spelling punctuation and grammar honey. I will be back not feeling all well now honey. Hurt my spine badly.. love to you honey
xoxoxoMona

So sorry to hear about your back Mona, you must look after that first. I liked the swimming instructress saying "your stomach is the best friend of your back-" As the muscles of the stomach are crucial to help hold up the back, tighten them and the back might lose some of its pain when bending or...! Hope its better quickly.

I only have a sunset knee!! Love to you from Ann xxoo
Thank you.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

That sounds ominous I hope you survive the trials of whatever ails you and that you find they get less dire as time goes on, we all get something whatever it is, hopefully not anything desperate. Wish you well Ian, with love from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

Ian I'm glad yo are well, and please feel free to say absolutely anything you like on this site, that's fine. LuvAnn

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

of course not about You, but another who IS old. You have pretty well summed up the fate of those unlucky enough to live beyond their health. I have 2 things you could consider(or not) :
L-1 change spittle to mettle
L-9 delete sensed
just a coupla ideas from this beginner....................stan

I love that I relate to this whole heartedly.
this stanza made me laugh, because of self experiencw;

"Bones brittle, the spittle of old age is weak,
and sleeps in cushioned sinews strained,
the bearded feathered strands of hairs
from places yet unknown, sprout,"

what is intereating to me is that the we do decay, but the brain becomes stronger as age makes it's progression, but eventual we lose that too. Hahaha!
you are one of best poets here, well at lease to me.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Oh dear Eddie thank you. I have changed the spittle to mettle as Stan suggested, but can easily change it back again, specially as yo liked it, I liked the word but strictly it makes more sense as it is now doesn't it, but must poetry make sense? To a certain extent anyway, logic is needed. You look young here in you nice photo, you look like a nice person too, and I am happy to feel that you appreciate my poetry, thank you and love from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

that picture is one year old and still if I say so myself I look good for 57.
please don't thank me, good poetry is good poetry. If in your heart you feel that by changing something in your poem might change the complextion don't do it.. It's your Baby and you gave birth to it.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Its, well they are, if so, the only babies I shall ever have!
Love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

But you're not old and neither am I I have been renewed at the hospital and am now back in my 30's whopee free and frank!!
Love to you and thank you Shirl, your friend in Norway. Anni.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

some suggestions..

"filling to burst"

might be better, this way, there's not the double "that" in the second stanza

"Old age can hit when least aware its"
this line read awkwardly to me, i think the "its" in the end, doesn't flow right as an end-line word

"and" is a task made hard.
i don't think the "and" is necessary, maybe just a comma?

the rest of the poem is good :) i enjoy this piece, it's longer than i usually read and the topic more heavy with words used a bit differently than i'm used to, but it's enjoyable :)

Good to hear and see some criticism
and make my poems better by doing so,
thank you my paper umbrella, love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

As an oldie of 66 long years, I empathise with your insightful write. Only one small suggestion ; should
"And eyes loose all their pristine shine" not be "lose all their pristine shine" ?
Its a very good write, Ann
Love
Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

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