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Lick an armpit

Do you love her?
Really, truly.
Of course you say,
her truths and lies
her smarts and sillys
her beauty and flaws

but do you love the human creature?
the sweat and pheromones
the skin flakes and cuticles
the pubic hair stuck under your tongue?

when she is not wearing deodorant,
lick her armpit
truly, madly, deeply.
Then know how much you love her.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

It's the second time in as many days I see the very cliched cliche in a poem of yours: truly, madly, deeply. A shortened version actually appears right in your opening stanza. That particular cliche really truly and deeply drives me mad. Ditto "strength and weaknesses".

What's with pheronomes (sic), Mr Fiery-Gnome? Try pheromones. Enough sillyness (sic) now. This kind of silliness is not to be expected from a poet of your standing.

As to content, my time is rather too limited to comment. I have bookmarked this and will be in touch shortly.

Diana

I am deeply aware of cliche and I know it is very risky using it, especially on people who lack humour. As to the fairy-moans, thanks for the spell check, should have done it myself.

I adore that phrase, "truly, madly, deeply" it's almost a post-modern statement in itself.

As to content, I look forward to it. Even silliness can have meaning. I know I have failed to appreciate depth in the work of a mutual acquaintance, but I hope my more serious works provide a counter-point.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
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author comment

hahaha lol Only you Jess, only you! hahaha lol

I love it!

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Disgusting how can anyone not love a sweaty armpit, something wrong with you people. Love the subject not so sure about pace though. Regards Roscoe.. he..he.

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

No, seriously, I'm don't understand, shorter lines perhaps?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
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author comment

Parody from the comments on mine and done so well that I see it evoked discussion on armpits, may I say that waxing has just got the poor pit feeling very naked and left out indeed, this may help to put it back on the map LOL

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

but i'm not sure why, as it is an odd little poem and quite revolting. Then again maybe that is why I like it. The fact that it isn't the average treatment of a love poem, pleases me. I can't detect anything that I feel needs improvement, except for the line ' truly, madly, deeply,' but may be that is because there was a film with that for a title, maybe you could say, ' penetrate her desire,' or ' penetrate with feeling,' or maybe not LOL !!

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

I was pitting the cliche against the sweaty reality. Risky, sure, I guess it worked for some and not for others.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Maybe not... "stuck under your tongue or in between your teeth..."
graphic realities... I guess it's why some people have such
scenes behind closed doors, sometimes forgetting to draw the curtains.
Fresh sweat is not the worst, just the body's cooling mechanism...
it's the rancid, 'fermented' type that has interacted with micro-bacteria
that we have to watch out for.... I am sure you "allowed" this poem
to push buttons and sensibilities.... lol

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

tears, blood and certain other bodily excretions...

Part of what this poem is about is a protest against the sanitisation of love and human interaction in popular media.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

never hurt anyone... that's how kids build up immunity. I think it is also the basic principle of vaccines.
But I don't honestly think that bodily fluids are 'dirt' per se.... although some on certain conditions can get dirty.
I would vote for the human touch and a bit of snoggling any day! Yay for pheromones and such.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

not me.

What's the best way to remove unwanted pubic hair?

Spit.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

now, wow. I like how you push the envelope with this work. I understand the comment about he cliches but not overly bothered by them. I might look for something other than strengths and weaknesses. I like armpit in the title and would like to find something else for "lick." Perhaps armpit caress. Nonetheless a poem that provokes response and thought.

vexations

as I explained above I used the cliches very consciously, to counterpoint the reality of human intercourse. If I change them, I would have to change them for other cliches.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

LMAO
Don't change a god-damned thing, man, except "sillyness" (spelling), 'cuz hey, been there, done that!

You told me the other day about the kind of poetry that you think rocks?
Well, guess what.
heehee.
Most excellent.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I think it's true that I'm at my best when I am at my most irreverent.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I love it! Just the thought of putting my tongue to his hairy arm pit has me rolling on the floor laughing. I'm sure he wouldn't be surprised for long, though, as it is the kind of thing I might do. I'm having a life long affair with his gorgeous tummy hair! Thanks for this, Jess!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

comma added, Xena,

am so glad to hear he wouldn't be surprised
Cat, I had always surmised
you were my kind of woman.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

the title caught my attention and the read had me in splits......but tell you what you have come up with a lovely prescription or shall i say a litmus test?...lol..

raj (sublime_ocean)

my very favourite poetry says something serious without taking itself too seriously.

but sorry, I don't understand, a prescription or litmus test for what?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

obviously for "do you love her"...

raj (sublime_ocean)

"Obviously" I gave the answer.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

ha! an ex used to do exactly that ...loved natural body
odours and the like
would prefer me unwashed to washed
you'd think i would have found it a bit gross ...anything
but, people ...anything but

truly, madly, deeply ...cliched perhaps, but who cares?
of my all-time favourite phrases

not a thing about this write i don't like

and not a thing i'd change

cheers
p

really get it, far more, and with far less cringe factor, than most Americans and British?

Are we less body-shamed and more sensual?
Or just grungy?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

"Are we less body-shamed and more sensual?
Or just grungy?"

all of the above ...and then some

(being an aussie rocks)

The title drew me in - I wrinkled a nose for a split second only because I wasn't expecting what you threw out there. I see it this way - forget the damn reference to licking of armpits (I am referring to some of the comments) It's about true love. You say you "love" someone with body and soul? well, as you have used your Jess-ness to perfection again, is the armpit not a part of body? If you'd give a kidney why not? I get it.

Kim
(V)

That is what this poem poem is about, your even took it further by the idea of giving a kidney.
You are hot! I wish I could afford to visit you in America or vice versa.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Then stop talking about leaving the site damn it! I love your stuff Jess - you know that just your reviewing blade can be a bit to sharp at times but I ignore it, lol! You know I love ya!

Kim
(V)

I never replied to this? OMG! Mea culpa mea maxima culpa. ;-)

Now what can I say that hasn't said before? You need a woman. Bad.

~A

All the the women I need are women like you and Kim. Real women with real meaningful dialogues.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
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author comment

now and then.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
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author comment

You did NOT just say that! LMAO!!

Kim
(V)

Thank you Jess, I sooooooooooooooooooo needed that..............laugh.

My indomitable Jess.

~A

but a fresh perspective on the love poem. Don't forget that sweat is urine. Not joking. It's the same fluid from the same system.
I didn't have a problem with the so called "cliche" lines, but then I used them often. Usually in reverse order... such as "barrel, lock and stock".
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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looks like urine, smells like urine, tastes like urine, lucky I didn't sweat it.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

First, I loved the brevity. Then, as a love poem, it's a rather brave one, and straight to the point too.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

good sir

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

You didn't f***ing swear in that one!

O and for vaginesque, please use it in a poem, pretty please...

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

I must have forgot to put it in.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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