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Lady Macadam...

Streaks of fire fly through the night
Cool hands of wind run through my hair
I exalt in breathless flight
Man and motor growl through the air

Cold machine, with hot beating heart
You send a chill to my inside
I get a thrill each time we start
We need a twisted road to ride

Let's ride this road of pleasure
Fast, and faster still
Let's take each other's measure
Until we've had our fill

The stark white ribbon on her back
Ribs of guardposts, spots of color
Make a road I want to track
More than any other

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I changed the title to this poem because of the comments that H.S. made. He said poem sounded like the lyrics to a song, and I thought that it should have a better name.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Cold machine, with hot beating heart
You send a chill to my inside
I get a thrill each time we start
We need a twisted road to ride

The stark white ribbon on it's back
Ribs of guardposts, spots of color
Make a road I want to track
More than any other

My favorite lines! (but I think guard posts are two words)

With your ending lines, it feels incomplete... like there should be another line.

Just a suggestion:

Until we've had our fill

(Or found the gate to hell)

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

for your suggestion, and I will work on it. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee

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author comment

The image i get is the joker from batman, in a black car his manic face twisted against the wind. Terrific feeling of movement engines running, wheels turning madly on a dust road. Great poem all round. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

it could be about a car, but it was about a motorcycle. But I'll leave the way it is, rather than take the image of the car away. I'm sure that many other people would like to ride too, and they don't ride motorcycles. Thanks for the read and the comment, ~ Gee

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Gee,

I like the rhythm and flow of this. The last stanza doesn't quite finish it off, but you could make that a chorus should you try to turn it into a lyric.

You could swap stanza's three and four...as I don't think it needs another stanza, but stanza three feels more like an ending than stanza four.

Good imagery here too and I liked this stanza (chorus) best of all:

Let's ride this road of pleasure
Fast, and faster still
Let's take each other's measure
Until we've had our fill

I went on this drive with you...Exhilarating!

fast and furious!

I had no idea what a Macadam was...now I do.

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

I mulled it over, looked at it closely, and I think you are right! I am going to change the stanzas around the way you have suggested. Glad you liked the ride! I can't wait to get my bike up and running again, so I can ride this year. Lady Macadam...That sounds like a song! I might take a stab at it. Thanks for the read and useful comments. ~ Gee

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author comment

Gee,

you are welcome to my suggestions and as you already know, if you need any help turning it into a lyric, you just need to ask.

I had wrongly assumed it was a car due to the:

Cool hands of wind run through my hair

but of course you guys don't have to wear a helmet in USA...so of course it is a motorbike...I still took that ride with you though.

Good title change too!

Kind regards,

Dan

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

or fortunately, depending on your stance, New York state does have a helmet law. If I want to ride sans helmet, I have to go to Conneticut [nearest state] where they repealed their helmet law, some years ago. That is where I learned to ride. I don't often ride without one, but if I go to Conneticut, or New Hampshire, [for the bike races at Laconia], it is nice to putt down the street at the beach where there is much to look at, and it is hot, without one. If I get on the highway, I always put mine on. Thanks for the offer to help with lyrics, and I may take you up on it. There have been other suggestions that I am looking at, and I am thinking about them too. Regards, ~ Gee

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Oh lover of the motorbike,
your rhythm descries the scream of sounds
the heavy heated road beneath gives resistance
and you speed off into the winding roads
with a memorable reverberation.

I have written it before I think but iI asked some Danes
why they came to Norway on the bikes, their answer:
" Because Norway has so many wonderful bend in the roads."

Love to you Sir Gee from your queen Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

There is nothing like a twisty road, to bring out the thrill of riding a motorbike. We have plenty of them here, in the Adirondack mountain region. I mostly like to ride alone, and early morning or late afternoon, when things are quiet, on those twisty roads. Just man and machine... Love to my queen Ann, ~ Gee

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scrutinizing your suggestions carefully. I am in the midst of a couple of other things right now, but I will revisit this poem with them in mind. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Gee

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born to be wiiiild. visions of easy rider.................stan

isn't so easy these days, but I still like a hard ride! Thanks, ~ Gee

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and enjoyed the poem very much. It appears you have ample suggestions to consider.

vexations

this makes me think of a fast motor cycle ride on a warm evening. I can almost feel the wind in my hair. nice write

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

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