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Diamonds
Diamonds
my heart is pressed
between the pages
of the book of you
I see only darkness
without the light
from your wood-smoke
colored eyes
your soft deep voice
carries me like
a dappled day dream
over the treacherous
rocks of my perilous day
it is your calm
sagaciousness which
holds my fragile sanity
and keeps it within its
clockwork frame
your eternal knowing
of me keeps me
from shattering into
a thousand shards
and I would not trade you
for diamonds nor doughnuts
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Another one for Steve, my life-mate.
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
Comments
raj
Thu, 2011-03-24 15:01
Dear Cat
reading every line of this write is a pleasurable experience because it is expressive of latent emotions coming alive...it feels like waves lapping at the shores when i get a feeling that they are there to express something...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Pixee
Thu, 2011-03-24 15:55
Hi Candlewitch
I enjoyed reading your poem. It has a floating feeling. I loved the way the words are place exactly in the right place. It a very fulfilling piece...
Cheers,
Pixee
ziggy
Thu, 2011-03-24 18:18
hi cat
I may be wrong but I think I remember this one lol
would you have posted this on neo of old for your
good man Steve, if I am wrong tell him I said hi
either way, fav lines "your soft deep voice
carries me like
a dappled day dream
over the treacherous
rocks of my perilous day,,,,,,,,,,,much love ,,,,ziggy xx
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2011-03-25 15:43
Oh this is love,
Oh this is love, this abandoned deep, I like this poem dear Cat,
I agree Shirl, love to you both Ann
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Hooded Stranger
Sat, 2011-03-26 12:59
Cat
Cat,
Steve is a diamond and this sits very well as a tribute to him. I don't want to offer any suggestions for two reasons:
1. this is personal and needs to stay in the raw state that you posted it
2. I couldn't find anything to change!! Lol!
What did Steve say about it as he isn't a big poem fan?
regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
magics02
Sat, 2011-03-26 17:43
Golden Lady
I just went on this ride with you over the valleys and what a nice view it was. Such a composure of delicately placed words to page. I really like it. Nothing to crit.
Love to you and Steve
Blessings
Mona
xoxox
lou
Sun, 2011-03-27 01:01
Cat
Beautiful, what more can I say?
Don't change a thing.
Love
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
pleiades
Sun, 2011-03-27 05:34
i can't really see anything
i can't really see anything to be improved
upon in this write
it gently takes the reader along
on the emotion expressed ...undersatated
emotion. and at the same time, intense
i find these lines particularly good
it is your calm
sagaciousness which
holds my fragile sanity
and keeps it within its
clockwork frame
a pleasure to read this lovely work
cheers
p