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SIXTY SIX

SIXTY SIX

No fresh adventures, no new tricks,
I've done it all - I'm sixty six.
The world is small, I've seen the sights,
Been around it, once or twice.

My senses blunted, all seems bland,
Next holiday - The Rio Grande?
It seems there's nothing new out there
To make me wonder; stand and stare.

My birthday; should I just be pleased
That I'm still here and not deceased.
I've seen it all, and yet, again,
My Love, you touch me, and it's Spring!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

You are an old romantic, just can't help it i bet. Nice wee poem a bit sad, but then you lift it at the end. There's always humour in your poems, maybe just under the surface but there. Which i'm sure keeps you young at heart, nothing i can see to change. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Thanks for the comments, yes , I suppose I am a bit of an old romantic ,but it works ! She hasn't thrown me out yet!!

Regards

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

I enjoyed this one. Neat rhythm-and-rhyme style.

A couple of suggestions:

the world is small; I've seen the sights - "small" carries more impact and it eases flow;
been around it once or twice - "all" is superfluous;
my senses are blunted; all seem bland - "bl-unted" melds well with "bl-unt".

A well-written and polished piece.

Diana

Thanks, Diana, I've taken all your suggestions and they work well. Thanks for taking the time to help

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

A gust of breeze
turned the leaf over
and the poem too turned 'a new leaf' (!)
and was young again in its expression,
optimistic.

It was a simple leaf
from a well known tree
but had a charm as such always have,
the rhyme carrying us along
in the turning dance of its sounds.

Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Thanks for the kind words, Ann. I keep getting flashes of an epic poem about the trialsand tribulations of old age but my muse is too bloody idle for me to get down to writing it. ( sample title; "You can't score hattricks when you're geriatric") ?

Love

Ian xxx

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

Shirl, please forgive me for missing your crit. I am absolutely mortified that you took the time to tell me you liked it and I didn't reply - now that is old age creeping in. Glad you liked it and again my apologies.

Love

Ian xxx

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment

My father in law turned 60-something today. He has stopped counting, and so have we.
But we celebrate the day and will dedicate the weekend to much eating and spending time together,
showering him with gifts and reminiscing the good and eventful times as well as watching the littlies play.
Your poem has touched something inside, and makes one think of how to approach the coming days.
Thanks for sharing.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

I'm glad you enjoyed the read. I guess my philosophy is to go with the flow. And for God's sake keep a sense of humour!

Regards
Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

author comment
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