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Words silken

Words silken

Feel the words move minutes to hours,
see them scatter across turned pages
Hear the sound of their magic powers.
carrying us from here through ages.

Nature's gift is given to us beings,
writers be praised of every ilk
Describing for us just what we’re seeing.
life given to blank sheets in words of silk.

Slaying every mythical ogre or giant,
easily with cut from strongest will.
No fear of consequence or reprisal,
it shall be written, with an honest quill.

Storm all castles of the closed mind,
ink staining skins from every wound.
Put in print every wrongdoer's trial,
then all can read of what we’ve found.

We as writers staying true to course,
always striving for best wells to milk.
So filling all pens again to ensure,
that wisely we use our words of silk.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is honestly believed..
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you Shirl, your comments are always welcomed. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Feel the words move minutes to hour,.........hours

see them scatter across turned pages

Hear the sound of their magic power.

carrying us from here through ages...........carrying us back from. This verse has potential.

Such a gift nature has given us beings,.......nature's gift is given us beings

glory be to writers of every ilk.......................writers be praised of every ilk

able to describe, write what we’re seeing........describing for us just what we're seeing
bringing pages alive, in words of silk..............giving life to blank white sheets, in(with) ..................................................................words of silk( are they?)

Slaying every mythical ogre or giant,
easily with cut from strongest will.

No fear of consequence or reprisal,

it shall be written with, an honest quill......(this line is interesting, don't need the comma: ..............................................................this verse is not so much so!)

Storm all castle’s of the closed mind,...has a castle a mind?

ink staining skins from every wound.

Put in print every wrongdoer on trial,

all then reading of what we’ve found.

....from this verse you seem to be confounded by rhyme, led along paths not of poetry but ideas, if you write out what you mean to say in prose first, then allow the poetry to come, perhaps it might help you here.

We as writers staying true to course,..........what here does the word course mean?

always striving for best wells to milk...........?

So filling all pens again to ensure,

that wisely we use our words of silk.

I feel slightly bothered by some of this poem, it is, as I said, somewhat contrived to fit the rhyme and not thought out to tell the tale logically, we should strive to have the story as a whole. and if this doesn't come naturally, then the best thing is to write out the ideas and then from that create the poem.

I know that the casting in of words is sometimes what others seem to do, but they become key words and refer to the whole in some way, even if they don't look as if they do. We shouldn't strive to be complex, rather explicit until the complexity, as I said again, is second nature to our expression.

Well I did what I could, not a teacher of poetry but that was what I thought, love to you from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

You may not think yourself a poetry teacher, but now i am most certainly the pupil as well as a fan. What you have taught me here is amazing, I shall work on your improvements and remember your thoughts. So many thanks Regards Roscoe..

Here are the changes you recommended, and my explination of other queries you indicated.
Verse 4 has a castle a mind. I am trying to say that a mind may have castles metaphoracally speaking, where it trys to lock out new ideas. I think the line works with that concept.

Words of silk, are they as smooth as silk, used properly i say they can be. I leave that to the readers to decide, i only hope i've woven them well.

verse 5 Line 1 true to course- path -route-road, line 2 always striving for best wells to milk. --drawing reference from the best minds. so getting the best ideas for our pens to write. Hope this make sense to you, again i say thank you. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Storm all castles of the closed mind,
ink staining skins from every wound.
Put in print every wrongdoer's trial,
then all can read of what we’ve found.

Beautiful imagery
Metaphorically put across,
To closeted minds
Like mine of course
Albeit
I shall appreciate,
The state of poet’s mind
You tend to titillate,
As you put across
In the oasis of my mind,
A mirage I thought
I had left far behind,
In the wanton
Wilderness of time...

loved

Yes in those few words so much she taught me, thank you for your kind words. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

minds that have castle's built around them!
Very strong imagery there.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

Thank you for your kind words, as for mourning there is no simple explanation. For what it's worth i say don't fight it. My condolences to you and your family.Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

I shall let the heart find its own way. Cheers, Freds.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

Thank you, she is quite a woman really helped. Regards Roscoe

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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