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SATISFACTION

Sweat pouring from wrinkled brow
a hard day's work behind me now
blisters and small cuts on my hands
from post hole diggers and wire strands

At break of day just grassy field
dark green grass its fertile yield
the lei has now been turned to grazing
beneath a setting sun so blazing

For this day's work produced a fence
to prevent cattle running hence
the posts are straight, the wire is tight
all in all it looks alright

I'm tired but strangely satisfied
and even feel a bit of pride
in a job that's been well done
beneath this hot bright spring day's sun

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Love your poem. There is a certain satisfaction in a hard days work - a feeling of accomplishment. Love your imagery. I had to look a couple of words up ( that's good for me ).

A couple of typo's I think. "Sweat" pouring from wrinkled brow.

the "lea" has now been turned to grazin.

Other than that, good rhyming, flowed nicely and I enjoyed the countryside trip.

Thanks Stan.

Love Mand xxxxx

Is sweat not spelled sweat? I'll check on Lea as it may be spelled Ley. thank you eagle eyes an glad you dropped by..............stan

author comment

Ahh well at least you got the jist! Unless of course you meant to say swear in the first line.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

as taut and tense as the wire and straining muscles.

Captures well the entire scenario, though I can't help feeling that some of the inversions and stretching for rhyme take away from what might sound better a bit more colloquial, especially
dark green fescue was its yield
and
to prevent cattle running hence

I know the feeling, I've done the work, you've caught it well, I like the laconic, slightly puzzled expression of pride. Perhaps, to me, it just needs more of the mans own voice.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

always good to have you drop by. You know I'm always tinkering with my stuff and will keep your ideas in mind when I edit........................stan PS is "ripper a good or bad thing?"

author comment

trust me
[grins wider and slowly disappears]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I'm told it's spelled wrong, I look at it and see what I Meant to say, It takes 2 people telling me before I see what is there instead of what I want to be there .......senility perhaps? Oh! I have an idea, I'll blame it on being distracted lmao......................thank you and all who patiently put up with me....................stan

author comment

Favorite lines:
I'm tired but strangely satisfied
and even feel a bit of pride
in a job that's been well done
beneath this hot bright spring day's sun

Your poem flows well from start to finish. I know a few farmers who would appreciate this piece. Everyone who works hard knows the feeling of having accomplished a job well done.

Love, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

you. A contract well executed, a plan well drawn, a meal well served. All work well done is deserving of pride. Come by any time you can..............stan

author comment

Thank you. Very good to see you again................stan

author comment
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