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A metaphorical place ,my ZOO
A metaphorical place ,my ZOO
To truly ? be my friend
Come walk with me
Inside my Zoo
A metaphorical place
That embodies
The bitter , the sweet
My life of truth
Let me introduce , all these creatures
In my Zoo
Some will show ,their beauty
Others are only monster
Caged , from my days of abuse
Warning !!!
Please don’t feed these animals
Unless , my friendship
Is worth the danger to prove.
That fear over love
Won’t be a choice
You choose .
So lets walk some more
There are others creatures
To view
Like my birds of dreams
And the
Monkeys made of my humor
Playing in the trees .
Elephants are a
Source of strength
A foundation for
My reasoning .
Also the mouse
His common sense of seeing.
There are so many more of
These creatures
That are my metaphors
So enter with care , and be warned
My heart will take your ticket at the door
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-03-15 11:24
I really like this
but I would never invite anyone I cared for into my zoo!
But seriously, is it necessary to name it as metaphor? Since you chose it as title I guess you have a reason, but naming metaphor as metaphor is a bit like putting subtitles on a movie explaining when CG has been used. Sorry if I'm being thick. But what would the poem lose by losing the word metaphor?
The last two verses are really good and I think you could expand them, there are lots of animal metaphors to use!
The last line is such a knockout I can't believe it hasn't been used before. It probably has but I wouldn't worry about it much, if you strengthen up the rest of it a bit.
Oh, and hey! good to see you mate.
cheers,
Jess
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